Tag: meditation

Turning Corners – 5th Anniversary

On By ellenbessoIn change, Grief, kundalini awakening, lifestyle change, spiritual awakening, Widows2 Comments

Fifth anniversaries can be turning points in our lives. The lead up to the fifth anniversary marking my soulmate’s transition to spirit on August 7th, 2020 has been long. For weeks I’ve been aware that it is coming and it feels quite different from the others.

It will be my first time on my own, without daughter or friends around me, after various celebratory gatherings and prayers or quiet time with our daughter the other years.

This is my choice. In some ways the fifth year feels anticlimactic. In other ways it looms very large on the landscape of my life. My forward movement is accelerating and I sense there will be no looking back now.

My body is unbalanced, with migrating pains. First my right shoulder, now my hips/low back. I believe the pain relates to the anniversary, my continuing kundalini awakening journey and most of all to the powerful planetary conditions allowing our spirits to heal. Currently the annual Lions Gate Portal is open, from July 26th, peaking August 8th. It interests me that Don chose to leave the planet at the peak of this portal time.

I have begun two rituals that will be completed that day, the first a large Vision Board of intentions moving forward, the second a small memory box symbollizing our past.

This month is not just about Don’s transition to spirit. Our wedding anniversary is ten days after that and the birth and death of our first child is sandwiched in between.

It is a special time of remembering, unique. During this time of growth, of movement to higher dimensions, many of us are revisiting and releasing very old memories from our past, both of this lifetime and past lives. In a way lifetimes are converging.

Post Script: On Thursday August 7th I spent a lovely day, alone for the most part, speaking to my somatic counsellor, walking in the beautiful woods in Upper Gibsons, resting, and later dining with my friend in the Greek Restaurant we have all enjoyed for many, many years.

Love & Light

Ellen

Kundalini Update

On By ellenbessoIn change, Grief, kundalini awakening, meditation2 Comments

Once kundalini begins to awaken, it starts to “bulldoze” all your systems including your emotions, in order to clear blockages in body-mind-soul, to infuse you with a higher energy level, Leyla Lampi, a Swedish Psychologist writes. This description is very accurate, and honours the difficult pathway that kundalini awakeners often face.

Nine years is not an excessive length of time for a long term kundalini awakening, I recently read. Symptoms of my spontaneous awakening were noticeable in the spring of 2016, with energy coming into my neck through my occiputs, creating a need to rest and support my neck.

I did not have a name for what was happening for some time, knowing only that higher energies enter through the space between the occiputs, as taught by my first meditation teacher at the Self Realization Centre here in Gibsons. I researched on my own and realized it was a spontaneous kundalini awakening.

Kundalini rising is activation of the life force that is stored in the base of our spine. Kundalini energy uses a lot of prana or chi as it is transforms the body, including the brain. My 2019 articles explain both my own process and the awakening process in general.

My background and spiritual longings predisposed me to this experience. Spontaneous awakening can occur in people who have a strong soul desire to progress spiritually, and who are meditators and/or have experienced trauma and/or intense energy work.

Only recently did I realize that this process began within a year of my participation in multiple Divine Love Sanctuary Foundation prayer evenings, a profound experience that combined the gentle influx of powerful energy with channelled messages brought forth by Al Fike.

As we continue to progress through stages of kundalini, the surge of nervous system energy can exacerbate existing symptoms and various other symptoms may re-appear, coming and going. For example, crying, antsy, anxious feelings, heightened sensitivity to people and surroundings, up and down sleep patterns.

Previously dense and deep, there have been many shifts over the past couple of years. It is processing in a different way now, softer and nearer the surface. At this point I feel that the kundalini and I are working together instead of me feeling attacked by it. My strong sense is that the energy is intertwined with the powerful forces entering the planet over the last few months, with rare astrological occurrences that have not been seen for 100 or more years.

During my months in Mexico I noticed that while the kundalini visits came and went, coming on randomly, their nature and quality changed due to the major healing and releasing I experienced there. My sense was I was experiencing fewer blocks and my intuitive daughter agreed.   

Over the past couple of years I received strong intuitive messages to stop participating in Divine Love prayer sessions and monthly Divine Love related distant healings offered by friends. Last year I began Sahaja Kundalini Yoga Meditation, recommended by my chiropractor, a long time practitioner. Although the small amount of guided work I did helped me shift energy, it was much too strong.

I recently read that healings like this stimulate the spine, activating the kundalini. The chiropractic and acupuncture treatments I receive also do this, however I feel they benefit me structurally, (chiro) and balance my meridians (acupuncture).

All these powerful healings were stirring me up, and in the case of the Sahaja Yoga, deliberately causing the energies to rise towards my head chakra. This is counterproductive for me as my challenge is to remain grounded. That’s why I do the medical chi gong Microcosmic Orbit frequently throughout the day.

Fortunately I have begun working with a Somatic Counsellor recently, whose Dark Woods of Grief site I “discovered” while surfing the internet a few months ago. She has given me the language to describe my needs…the ones my intuition wisely helped me with. “Some people need to be activated”, Josea said, “You need to be contained”. That is why most energy modes are too much for me at this time, now that my nervous system vibrates in a different, more sensitive way.

Timing is everything in life. I have begun my work with Josea and the team at a time when my kundalini journey is more productive, in the sense that the blocks have lessened. It wouldn’t have been as helpful when the energies were very dense and deep. I am ready now. Although the experience is still challenging often, I experience occasional surges of energy moving up my spine to my head, and sometimes tingles or pings that show me that the kundalini is opening, flowing more, taking me closer to a life of joy and ease, with deeper connection to spirit.

I just found this Myree Morsi’s site: – excellent kundalini information

Melaque Magic Update

On By ellenbessoIn change, Grief, lifestyle change, Positivity, spirituality, The Earth, travel, Widows3 Comments

“This is what you came here for, to change your life”. The Grandmothers

On the plane to Mexico on January 9th a strange thought crossed my mind: “I’m going home”. “What, I just left home”, I said to myself. I did not know what was coming but the magic began that very evening on the beach.

While most friends seemed to appreciate my profound experience of the first evening, when Don subtly emerged through the beach portal in West Melaque, I felt something was missing.

The spiritual experience of that evening set the tone for the next two months. The healing energy of the sand and water, listening to and performing music, meeting Mexican families and making new friendships all came together to catalyze my internal change.

My days settled into a comfortable routine: My morning ritual was a walk on the Malecon boardwalk followed by coffee under a beach umbrella, served to me by the lovely Tito, owner, along with his wife, of Tito’s Place, where everything began the night of my arrival. The sound of the waves hitting the shore and the fascinating soaring birds transported me.

Reviewing my journal notes from spring 2024, I noticed my guides had told me that my first solo Mexican trip that winter “was the start of a massive change”. The latest trip, I now realize, was a transcendent experience.

“A transcendent experience, however you arrive at it, is like a portal that opens, inviting you to walk through”, Anita Moorjani, known for her powerful near death experience, writes. Once opened, it never closes, Moorjani goes on to say, so the clarity of wisdom never disappears.

As my time in Melaque drew to an end it felt like time to return home, although I was not fully ready to leave this special place, the backdrop for transformation, where I discovered a sense of peace within.

Never have I experienced such a long and laborious re-entry from travels, not even after my first trip to India, where I have lived many past lives. This was a different experience, not so much an awareness of having lived in Melaque in the past as it was simply being caught up in the special energetic flow of the area.

During Don’s and my visit to the town in 2001 we made two brief visits to Tito’s for margaritas. Tito remembered Don from that time when he saw his picture. Because of that long ago time in Melaque I felt compelled to return this year and it proved to be an experience of deep healing. The peace I found there allowed me to dive deep into myself.

My open mic singing, (somehow encouraged by Don during the portal experience), was an important part of my spiritual shift in Mexico, and it took starting to sing open mic at the Legion here in Gibsons to finally bring me full circle, back to my permanent home.

A curious thing happened during my first Legion visit. Since I was nervous, I decided to pretend I was in Melaque, walking into the Legion, ordering a mug of Mexican draft beer and settling myself in the song circle.

My song choices were pieces I had sung in Mexico, “The Rose” and “They Call the Wind Maria”. I gave it my all, and received positive feedback from the other musicians. It was almost like I transferred my experience of singing in Mexico and the confidence and the energy of it to this new venue.

This week we sang The Rose at my ukelele group, and although not soloing, I had a similar experience…as if I was somehow channelling the energy of Melaque into and through the song.

Don came to the Melaque beach to help me move forward…to open more to life, I sense. He was very much with me in that beach community the entire two months I was there. His encouragement to take my music seriously helps me with my overall change.

Yet another level of our physical separation occurred, catalyzed by the portal experience. Our energetic soul connection will never be severed after many lifetimes together.

Melaque was not a “time out of time” experience, it was my life for two very real months. It cannot be reproduced…it can, however be built upon, a new starting out point for me.

Many Roads Lead Home

On By ellenbessoIn change, spirituality2 Comments

Many years ago, I had an unusual Grade 13 English teacher at Bathurst Heights Collegiate in Toronto. Her family was very out there it seemed, and her brother hosted a weekly cable tv show about UFO’s and other psychic stuff.

One day, somehow in the context of an English lesson, our teacher  asked us to lay on the floor and facilitated a guided visualization describing the spinning Hindu wheel of Nirvana, the wheel of birth, life and death. Moving through it through lifetimes, one’s goal is to eventually reach nirvana, or liberation. (Nirvana is also a Buddhist concept. Since that time I’ve had a belief in reincarnation.

The daughter of a Welsh immigrant mother and Canadian born father, whose mother was a Welsh war bride, I was raised in a Christian tradition in the Welsh United Church in Toronto. Like many of my generation I found the church lacking, and left it when I was about eighteen years old.

I had my brief  ‘agnostic’ phase during university, then in my early thirties was introduced to “New Age” books, (hate that expression), by early authors like Shakti Gawain and Louise Hay. From that time on, like many boomers, I considered myself  “spiritual but not religious”.

For many years my beliefs have embraced the concept of a Higher Power, (the Light, the Source, the Universe, not necessarily the word God per se, but all having the same meaning ). Also I have a recognition of Ascended Masters, such as Jesus, Paramahansa Yogananda, the Hindu and Buddhist goddeses and Gods, (Lakshmi,  Ganesh, The Taras, for example). Tibetan Buddhism plays a small part in my eclectic belief sysem. Both here in my home community and in Dharamsala, India my partner and have attended Tibetan Buddhist teachings, and have many dear Tibetan friends who are practicing Buddhists.

Lately I have been questioning some of my long held beliefs. At times my foundation has felt like it’s cracking, the result of my introduction to the Divine Love Foundation last July, with attendance at prayer circles and a retreat in August.

The mission of the foundation is: To awaken humankind to the wonders of Divine Love and to be channels of love, peace and healing for our planet., a beautiful goal.

The main tenets of a belief in a male or female God figure; choice whether to accept this Higher Power; the power of prayer and the idea that the soul rather than the mind is what connects all fit within my eclectic personal belief system, the one I’ve developed over close to fifty years.

So far so good then.

During the hour of prayer, while a beautiful energy pours around us and into us, a very special, gifted medium channels supportive, encouraging and loving messages from the higher realms. Quite early on I received very personal messages: Confucius told me to keep asking questions, that it was my soul seeking answers.

My second personal message concerned reincarnation. During the retreat, much to my surprise, I discovered that this philosophical, (not religious), group does not believe in reincarnation. Channelling but not reincarnation…hmm…confusing to someone with my beliefs. One night, with only four of us in the room, the First Soul, called Aman, or Adam, came through with a special message for me, for “the sister who believes in reincarnation”. Aman told us that out of  the many thousands of souls he had met, he had never come across one that had reincarnated. I was quite astounded, firstly to hear that information, and secondly that the first soul would come through with a message for me, a relative newcomer to the group.

Since that time I have relaxed into the process, softening my beliefs a little. It does not really matter what my brain decides to believe, it’s all about the energy. We are all travelling in the same direction so to speak, towards the light, and the group folks are happy to have me as part of their circle, as long as I want to be there.

My meditation and prayer enhance each other, each becomes stronger because of the other.  Every few weeks as I change my prayer changes and deepens. Recently I have been visualizing showering the planet in light and Divine Love and praying for her to be healed, for governments to stop mistreating people, and for people all over the world, as well as my community, friends and family.

And so my spiritual life continues, very much a living process.