Kundalini Awakening – My Long Journey Part 1

The Beginning…

I remember it well…my difficulties began in the spring of 2016. In retrospect, there may have been some subtle energy movements  over time, but my first awareness of something intense and unusual happening was after I received several laser acupuncture sessions on my occiputs, (at the base of the head), to relieve head congestion. It was an completely unexpected side effect of the treatments.

Kundalini awakening is not for the faint at heart. It is a profound process, one that  disrupts your life. My body felt out of control, my chakras seemed to be imploding, particularly my second, sacral one and third, the solar plexis. It was unlike anything I’d experienced in my time on the planet. I frequently needed to rest, with my head supported, to ease my neck heaviness. It seemed I was under attack from an unseen force – but it was coming from within me!

It took me some time to figure out what was happening. Through research I discovered that many symptoms of kundalini awakening originate through the occiputs. This makes sense to me, as I learned during my first meditation training that energy comes in through the base of the head when we meditate. The occiputs are also the location of the brain stem or old, reptilian brain, the seat of old, unprocessed emotions, (the basis of the EMDR technique.)

Fear of the unknown is familiar to most of us. For a long time I fought the process, trying to control what could not be controlled. Being a fearful person historically, a survivor of various traumas, resistance was my way of not losing myself. Very gradually, over time, I learned to ‘lean into it’, to trust that what was happening to me, although disturbing on every level, was not malevolent and would strengthen rather than destroy me. Slowly, I came to believe that there would be a positive outcome.

What is Kundalini & Kundalini Awakening?

Kundalini energy, when triggered, rises up from the base of the spine where it is coiled from birth, trying to clear a path so it can flow. It is our life force. Kundalini is a deep physical, emotional and spiritual process, a form of spiritual awakening. It pares us down, layer after layer, leaving us emptier and free-er.

When this energy is activated it moves up through the chakras, in a snake like movement, until it gets to the head chakra, then it circles back to the first chakra and begins the process again, until all the blocks are cleared.  It affects both the major and minor chakras and each organ, tissue, layer and cell of our body, over time slowly emptying us out.

There are many esoteric descriptions of kundalini energy. To Carl Jung, kundalini was the goddess within us. It has been said that Jesus’ Living Water, (or Holy Spirit) was kundalini. It seems plausible to me that Jesus worked with kundalini, as it is well documented that he spent his “lost years” in the East studying Indian and Tibetan theologies.

Kundalini is personified as a goddess in Hindu mythology, sometimes as Durga, the creator and sometimes Kali, the destroyer of negativity. It is said to destroy impurities and purify organs.

Unfortunately, kundalini is not recognized in Western cultures by most people. There is a lack of good information available for those of us going through this process.  I did not find comprehensive, in depth information until the last few months, before that it was mostly just lists of symptoms. While validating my process to some extent, the lists touched the surface only, they did not plumb the depths of my experience.

Why Me?

There are no accidents, it is said, and I believe this more and more. Often things happen in life when we are ready for them. I was a prime candidate for this experience, having been on a search for meaning and connection with the Divine for forty years. I have been a meditator for many years, a yoga practitioner, a member of the Divine Love  (divinelovesanctuary.com) prayer group, host a monthly Net of Light group, have had exposure to Tibetan Buddhism, and spent time in India. Also I experienced traumas in my earlier life, often a factor in kundalini awakening. Although I never consciously asked for this, clearly my soul did.

Kundalini openings can occur by design, (kundalini yoga training), or spontaneously, through unexpected events like mine, childbirth or some type of trauma, including accidents. Most people seem to ‘fall into it’ in a seemingly random manner.

Because we as adults have many blocks throughout the body, the awakening process is often a gruelling one, challenging us to the max. I would like to stress that it is not the kundalini energy per se that causes the difficulties, but the energy blocks. Our nervous system is under seige as it is unable to handle the powerful energy moving through it. An analogy I’ve found helpful is to imagine putting a very high voltage light bulb in a small lamp.

There is no “One Size Fits All”

Although it has been written that Kundalini awakening has an “intelligence”, it does not necessary follow the pattern described above, or anything resembling a clear pattern. The intelligence of kundalini is not left brain, linear intelligence, it is an alternate form of intelligence, (for example ’emotional intelligence’).

In my experience kundalini can move in more than one area of the body simultaneously, or alternate as the day (or night) goes on. For example, last night the kundalini was active in my shoulders, making me restless, and today I felt it settling in simultaneously in my neck and shoulder tops, while also dipping into my legs, briefly bringing on stiffness and weakness.

Each of us is unique, so although our experiences overlap, our  journey is ours alone, and unlike anyone else’s. It works the way it does because of our unique blocks – everything that makes up Ellen, including all my life experiences, traumas, physical and emotional being, both in this lifetime and in past lives is part of my kundalini pathway. For example I have always had many blocks in my neck and head; apparently I died by strangulation and being hit on my neck in several lifetimes, so this would be part of the neck unblocking. Sexual abuse at an early age, and the grief of losing my first baby when she was only two days old, have created many cellular memories in my body that are in the process of releasing.

What are the Symptoms?

The symptoms that you may experience are almost endless, as kundalini awakening affects every body system and cell in one’s body, as mentioned.

For me the following things stand out:

  • Body discomfort: Energy moving throughout my body, day &/or night; a general feeling of unwellness
  • Nervous system distress causing tension & anxiety
  • Strong, roller coaster emotions
  • Hot, and sometimes cold flashes, (the fire of Shakti per Hindus)
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Intensification of the energy as the process progresses
  • Increasing sensitivity & feelings of overload while in many places & with large groups of people
  • Feelings of isolation: Kundalini is a solo process; additionally, most people cannot even begin to understand your experience
  • A growing desire to Be, not Do, & to be solitary as my process has progressed
  • Being in an altered state much of the time
  • A feeling of tilting, (kundalini vertigo) & slight dizziness, (later stage)
  • BP fluctuations in early & later stage
  • Extreme tiredness later on in my process
  • Self doubt as my ego slowly dissolves, (Who am I?)
  • A sense of meaninglessness in my later stage, now moving into an increased knowing that there are new possibilities for me

To this list, other symptoms could be added, (I have not experienced all of these):  Twitches, (once as I lay in bed my left hand flapped!); Spontaneous Yoga poses, (an odd but apparently common one); Digestive issues; Inner sounds; Feelings of joy; Addictions, Snake dreams, and so on.

PART 2 Next Week:

The Stages; How to Respond; Getting Help; Caring for Yourself

Love & Light


Copyright 2019 Ellen Besso

Ellen Besso is a former Life Coach & Counsellor & is an energy worker. She is the author of An Indian Sojourn: One woman’s spiritual experience of travel & volunteering, and Surviving Eldercare: Where their needs end & yours begin, both available through Amazon.

A Non-Religious Approach to “Pray Without Ceasing”

Photo by Simon Matzinger


“Pray Without Ceasing”     Thessalonians 5:17

When I was studying counselling one of our instructors defined spirituality as anything that gives your life meaning. This idea had broad potential. It could be the trees, helping refugees, visiting an elder, a deep connection with a friend. It could be your children, he told us.

My approach to spirituality is an integrative, holistic one, not religiously oriented, but not exclusive of religion either. Currently I’m moving towards continuous prayer. Not prayer using words, although I do pray regularly  for specific people and situations, but being in union with the Divine continuously.

We cannot pray in a deliberate, analytical way 24/7. Our creative right brain with its holistic design, using intuition and visualization, enables us to create a different type of reality for ourselves. It lets us feel our way into the essence of life. It helps me create a vision for my prayer, one my soul can relate to.

Prayer is joining with whatever represents God to you. In my prayer visuallization I picture Light pouring onto the planet from the Source. This Net of Light, or Cosmic Web, is the spiritual power that heals and protects the planet and all of us. It is pure love. “The Net of Light is a pattern/network/fabric or grid of love. It is love. It anchors, supports and penetrates everyone and everything on earth.”, say the Grandmothers.

During my day, whenever I think of it, I cast the Net of Light and draw down spirit, both to help all beings on our planet, and to heal myself. Breathing in the Light and calling on the Grandmothers, aspects of the Divine, fills me with relaxation. The Grandmothers invite us to do this in many ways throughout the three books channelled through Sharon McErlane. When we call on them, our nerve endings relax, they tell us.

Going to Richard Rohr once more, the Franciscan friar who founded The Centre for Action and Contemplation, I find that Jesus taught prayer beyond words. He joined with God in his predawn prayers, in what many today call contemplation, Rohr says, “…union with God’s presence; resting in God more than actively seeking to fully know or understand.”

My way of prayer embraces a broad and deep spirituality, wordless for the most part. The Grandmothers nudge me towards the giant coniferous tree at the bottom of our garden, where we do our Grandmother empowerments and cast the Net of Light. The more often I remember to cast the Net and call in the Grandmothers, the more comfort I receive.

This visualization is my pathway to the Divine, the route most available to me. It did not happen right away after my “discovery” of the Grandmothers and the Net of Light a couple of years ago. It has been a slow opening, a melding of my various spiritual beliefs, with the Net becoming a powerful co-ordinator, a focus that encompasses my various spiritual beliefs. Our journey to our first Net of Light gathering at Joshua Tree Retreat Centre last spring deepened the process.

I asked three friends for their unique perspective on praying without ceasing. Pastor Jaz of Christian Life Assembly Church, the sponsor of our two Syrian refugee families says:

“To me to pray without ceasing means that we are constantly keeping Jesus on our minds and hearts and bringing not only our needs to him but also our thanks to him through out the day. Praying without ceasing being less about staying in a constant state of prayer, and more about having a constant heart and mindset of communication with Jesus.

Judy, who has been part of the Divine Love prayer group for more than thirty years wrote me:

“Sincere prayer and longing for the Creator’s Love transforms or awakens the soul…then a longing for an ever deepening communion with God grows…we become more trusting and willing to call upon God to help us in our daily lives.

The challenge of the soul to remain in constant receptivity of God’s infinite Love is the mind.  We have a choice whether to allow our mind’s dominance or to grow our soul in the love of God…eventually a tipping point is reached – we move in grace, enveloped in the flow of God’s Love. In this state, our lives become a constant prayer. God’s Love within our soul becomes our inner compass.

My dear friend Rose says: “For me, it’s noticing my breathing, through the day. Because I know, and deeply feel, that I am breathed into life by the loving Creator, consciously attending to my breathing, without trying to change it, puts me in a prayerful state, more feeling than thinking.”

Athough my words differ in certain ways, my friends’ beliefs segue with and enhance mine. Visuallizing and calling on the Net of Light and the Grandmothers allows me to get my mind out of the way, the left brain, dominant part particularly. My hope is that as I grow into this way of being more and more, that it will lead my heart and soul to the Light.

Love & Light


Copyright 2019 Ellen Besso

Ellen Besso is a former Life Coach & Counsellor & is an energy worker. She is the author of An Indian Sojourn: One woman’s spiritual experience of travel & volunteering, and Surviving Eldercare: Where their needs end & yours begin, both available through Amazon.

My Divine Love Prayer Group Welcomes Me Back

“We believe that through the inflowing of God’s Divine Love, the soul is transformed.” 

Divine Love Energy

Since September, with the exception of a weekend prayer party, I have been unable to attend my Divine Love prayer group, five minutes from my home, as my new Inspirito Choir also meets on Monday evenings. The heart felt music, led by a gifted, unusual woman, has enriched and fulfilled me over the past months, but is not a replacement for the deep peace and angelic beings surrounding us during our prayer time, an hour during which Al channels messages from the Celestial Realms.

My presence last Monday evening was fortuitous, but then there are no accidents. I was lovingly welcomed by the nine people present, and told by Al that my presence there added to the positive conditions in the room.

It was a special evening, as Augustine, one of Al’s main guides, offered each of us personal messages. My message affirmed that my eclectic approach to spiritual work, one that differs from the folks who have been following the Divine Love path for many years, is my personal route to God/Goddess. “Although your concepts of the soul may differ…you recognize longings in your soul that draw you [to God]”, said Augustine through Al, “…and you continue to strive to be a channel of light in the world…Your soul is open to God’s blessing.”

Integrating my beliefs, developed in a conscious way over the past 40 years, since the loss of our first child in 1978, has been the task I assigned myself since starting the group in the summer of 2015. “You will find your way to an understanding of truth that does not offend your sensibilities.”, Augustine told me, “…[and] integrate the experience you are having with God with your ideas and spiritual beliefs.”

The message Augustine sent me through Al last week fit with my philosophy – that all roads lead home to spiritual fulfillment, to the Divine.

It’s all Light and Love

My current mantra, “Follow the energy”, one I’ve written about before, means I visit a variety of places and activities that elevate me spiritual, that lift up my soul. They involve meditation, prayer, nature, choir singing, our Net of Light group, the music at CLA Church, as well as the Divine Love prayer group. I feel deeply that all are moving in the same spiritual direction, towards the Light.

Having said that, I recognize that the Celestial energy during the Divine Love meetings, developed over more than 35 years by the core family, and by others before them, is a powerful, healing, high energy. Occasionally now I get glimpses, messages from my soul, that this is truly energy from the Source.

This is not to say that the other energies are not complete and beautiful in themselves, uplifting and healing – conduits to The Light. For example, the energy of the Grandmothers that we invoke during our Net of Light women’s group uplifts, heals and grounds us..

Back to the Divine Feminine, Full Circle

The Grandmothers are aspects of The Divine, of The Great Mother, the feminine aspect of God. She is the Divine Feminine.

Twenty years ago, in my work with Judith Duerk, author of Circle of Stones, Woman’s Journey to Herself, we worked with the Great Mother. Now I’ve come full circle through being led to the Great Council of Grandmothers and Net of Light organization.

This is where my spiritual process is at present.  Sharing it helps me articulate it. Some may resonate with you and spark conversation. Please feel free to comment or write to me.

Next Up…

In the next few months I plan to begin posting draft excerpts from my spiritual book from time to time.

Love & Light


Copyright 2018 Ellen Besso

Ellen Besso is a former Life Coach & Counsellor & is an energy worker. She is the author of An Indian Sojourn: One woman’s spiritual experience of travel & volunteering, and Surviving Eldercare: Where their needs end & yours begin, both available through Amazon.