Category: Nature

Gibsons’ Return with New Intentions

On By ellenbessoIn aging, change, lifestyle change, Nature, travelLeave a comment

For over five years I’ve been trying to work out how to live my life here in beautiful Gibsons BC without my soulmate Don.

Before I left home in January, I experienced an aha moment. In some ways I have been keeping myself small here at home…clinging to parts of the life I had before with Don. Perhaps to honour Don’s memory. Mostly not giving myself full permission to move on. But that does not serve either of us.

In Mexico I can be more myself in some ways, more outgoing. Both the climate and the people are warm and welcoming. Best of all, it’s not Gibsons with its 35 years of memories.

It was a hard landing coming back home. I was depleted on all levels on arrival, having had no chiropractic treatment for several months and experiencing the high stress of the cartel murder and subsequent violence throughout the state of Jalisco, too close to our beach community for comfort .

The trek home, beginning at 1 pm Thursday the 5th of March in Melaque and culminating at 1 am in Vancouver, (3 am in my body with the 2 hour time difference), was exhausting, and involved long walks in both the Calgary and Vancouver airports. The weather returning to the Coast the next day felt frigid and the damp seeped into my body. And I hate to say it but my age is finally beginning to impact me.

I had visions of working up to six months in Mexico each year, to escape the weather and my life at home. But I realize now that wouldn’t suit me. Perhaps with a partner to hang out with and/or volunteer work like my music friends Jack & Sharon I would feel different about it.

I had to take longer trips to Mexico to realize that one month may be the optimum time for me. I will know more over time.

This is my home. My life is here farther north beside the same ocean. It is the best place for me with my history of 35 years of connections and my daughter across the water in Vancouver. Living for a few special weeks once a year in Mexico isn’t healthy. After all, I am basically a Taurean homebody.

My goal is not to backslide into keeping myself small…to forge ahead with all my interests, old and new, meeting new people, enjoying my singing performances and attending live music events.

In order to do this I am allowing Spirit to lead me more and more instead of pushing my agenda…asking Spirit to embrace and support my plans instead. This is working and I do feel more in the flow now.

I love Mexico. What happened there on February 22nd and the ensuing violence impacted me, but will not stop me returning there. I grieve for the lovely Mexican people who live their lives each day impacted by the ubiquitous and insidious cartel activity all over their country.

However my home and life is in Gibsons, I now realize, and I do not need to escape it. Although I will still enjoy Mexico for a month or so each winter, I plan to embrace my life here more fully, to really be here and not long for elsewhere.

My goal is to bring what I’ve learned about myself in my travels over the past years to my life here. Each time I return I have changed, in positive ways for the most part.

The Tree

On By ellenbessoIn change, Grief, lifestyle change, Nature, Spirituality in Action1 Comment

Beside a quiet lane in the small town of Gibsons, a beautiful pine tree grows at the bottom of our former garden. The tree is 50-60 years old.

Over the years this special tree has been the focus of many events, both celebrations and grief. During the years I hosted our Net of Light/Grandmothers womens’ group we did empowerments and drummed around the tree.

Immediately upon hearing that my daughter’s dear friend had taken her life, I went outside and hugged that tree. I did not consciously do this, another part of me walked me out there. That’s where Don found me, and together we slowly walked around the neighbourhood, while we let this devastating news settle.

When our dear old dog passed away his funeral took place there in that tiny woods. We named Blackie’s shining qualities, tossing bits of paper with the words into the grave where he lay at rest, wrapped in my red terrycloth robe. Our wonderful next door neighbours attended, with Brian playing two songs for us on his small bagpipes, while Michele stood at the back with babe in arms, not wanting to intrude.

Yesterday evening during our Dark Woods of Grief Support Group, called “Grief and Praise”, we opened with a long somatic guided meditation, working with trees. Going into the group I felt very tired, most of us seemed to be. I sensed I was still processing the wonderful outdoor jazz music from the day before through my energy system. I continued with the next part of the group, the writing portion, but only part of me was present. I chose to exit the session before our breakout sharing groups, sending a chat note to let everyone know I was leaving.

Immediately after the meditation I became aware that this remarkable tree in our garden held unforgettable memories for myself and many friends. The session was complete for me at this point. This was the reason my soul had guided me to this particular group on this night.

I am very grateful for this opportunity to recognize and to process, then release the deep emotional significance of the tree.