Category: change

Locked Out

On By ellenbessoIn change5 Comments

First, it was the flood in my apartment; a washer overflowed from the unit above me and then migrated downward to the suite below. I was out of my home for four days, a relatively short time. It could have been much worse, only the walls and ceilings of my bedroom and hallway were affected, soaking the insulation. Thankfully, there was no water under the floor.

I didn’t make too much of this, although leaving my relatively new home and staying in a hotel took a toll, I realized in retrospect.

I was promised the restoration would be done while I was away in Toronto in September, and that happened, although with the unexpected hurdles of an incompetent strata insurance agent and my contractor going dark due to a phone issue.

I’m glad to be home this time, unlike my return from Mexico in January, when Gibsons was the last place I wanted to be. The weather is sunny and cool; hopefully, we’ll be fortunate to have a beautiful October if the fall rains hold off.

After enjoying only two of nine nights in a lovely historic boutique hotel in Parkdale, I was locked out of my room with none of my belongings for twenty-four hours due to an unusual electronic lock issue. The complementary meals, wine and toothbrush I was given did not make up for the lockout.

The trip to Toronto was wonderful yet challenging. Toronto is not easy. Being with my Tibetan sister in Mississauga to the west of the city at the beginning and end of each trip is restorative. Although the shadow of Don’s absence hangs over our visits, but less so with time.

Meanwhile, back at home, I had managed to secure an identical computer to replace the one that kept crashing. When my techie began to download my data onto the new computer, he was plagued by crash messages; there was something wrong with Windows. On my return, I took the computer back to the place of purchase, and it worked perfectly. Multiple diagnostic tools could not reproduce the problems experienced by my tech guy!

Without a functioning computer, I could not jump back into my work on my grief memoir. Suddenly, I realized, in that knowing third-eye way, that I was not meant to be writing the book at this time. The work, although valuable in processing my experiences during Don’s illnesses and transition to spirit, was re-traumatizing me and keeping me in the past when my spirit and intention were to move into my new, solo life more and more. It keeps that life with Don alive. It keeps him alive.

Although working on the book is satisfying, the writing is hard work and painful. At least twice, I had considered ceasing. But I kept pushing ahead, feeling a need to complete it for myself and possibly to help others who had lost their soulmates.

Was I being locked out of my current life so that I could focus more on my burgeoning new life? Is the writing serving as a distraction?

What is to happen next? Perhaps it will be time to restart the book when I am farther along in my new, joyous life. Maybe in the spring after Mexico? Whatever transpires in the months to come, I didn’t come to this conclusion entirely by myself – I had to be hit over the head by the Universe, by circumstances.

“I’m Right Over Here”

On By ellenbessoIn change6 Comments

In the early hours of the first Monday of July I was gifted with a dream visitation from my dear Don. The dream was brief and powerful. We stood together outside in a semi deserted, wide open urban area. He gave me a gentle kiss. The visual then jumped to a stark medium sized room. Don was sitting at a small table in one corner with someone, it was unclear who it was. I was also with an unnamed person, at another small, cafe style table, in the opposite corner of the room. “I’m right over here” were the words he said in my head.

A few hours afterwards I walked into my front hall to find a pool of water on the floor and water dripping down the outside of the sliding cupboard doors. Same in the bedroom around the corner. The water was coming from the unit above me. Dashing upstairs I found my neighbour struggling with an out-of-control, overflowing washing machine.

I was able to reach the Maintenance Manager of the strata management company quite quickly and a member of our Board who is knowledgable about structural issues. The Restoration company was on site within an hour. It took a while, but eventually the neighbour below me came up, asking what I was running. Her ceiling was affected…the second flood since she moved in!

Despite the chaos I continued determinedly with my plan to take the ferry to West Vancouver and meet my daughter downtown. I was finally attending her choir concert after missing them for four years, since they are in the evening and I don’t drive in Vancouver, so hard to get home afterwards.

Bronwen and I were sitting in a coffee shop when a text came from my upstairs neighbour: “Are you able to phone us? I knew this was not good news. The restoration man told me that the water was not just in the walls, it was also in the ceiling.

After spending a restless night in my daughter’s warm apartment, early the next morning I called the Garden Hotel in Gibsons and although they were busy they were able to book me the same room for four nights. By now there were concerns about the possibility of water under the bedroom floor so the hotel extended my booking to six nights.

I returned home to a chaotic apartment. All my bedroom furniture etc. had been put in the living room, along with clothes from both cupboards. Noisy industrial heaters were running everywhere, so loud that the woman who’s bedroom window faced mine slept in her living room.

It was difficult to decide what to take to the hotel in my numbed state, and hard to find things amidst the random piles. My friend from downstairs helped me as I literally tossed clothes into a suitcase and filled a garbage bag with pillows and running shoes. I also needed my ukelele supplies for the next day’s singalong group. When I arrived at the hotel I realized I had gone too far when I needed the hotel wheeled cart to get to my room.

After my checkup visit to the apartment the next day I got back in my car, started the engine and was treated to a fun surprise. Don’s old Bob Dylan CD began playing, although the radio was set to come on. This was the first time it had happened in two years. Shortly after Don left us the music came on three times before I realized that I had not pressed the wrong button. There were other incidents also two years later; once someone else was driving the car and the second time we were both in the car, on our way to the hospital in North Vancouver for my wrist cast removal, (a story for another time).

The dream visitation felt to me as if Don had precognition about the flood. Our daughter and my counsellor, who is open to the idea of spirit contact, also thought so. My daughter pointed out the symbollism of water.

Positive has come out of this. I was blessed in many ways, the flood could have been much worse. Since the floor was not affected I was only out of the house for four nights. The strata and neighbours were helpful and concerned. After coming back I appreciated my home more.

Postscript: The bedroom and hall ceilings will be replaced while I’m away in the fall.

Tears are Healing

On By ellenbessoIn change, Grief5 Comments

“Grief is good. “It deepens you and makes you one with the earth”.

The Grandmothers Speak, A Call to Power.

For many years my intention has been to empty myself of what is no longer needed. This intention and the energy work and self examination that went with it has helped me develop. However I seldom cried as I was not permitted to. “Don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about” my harsh father taught me at a young age. So I didn’t.

That changed when my soulmate Don transitioned to spirit three years ago. After Don left I was in shock for many months, too numb even to cry. Then the profuse crying began, despite the antidepressant I took for the first time in my life. These drugs may buffer the releasing, I’m not sure. Crying is seemingly my main route to healing now.

In our society we are taught to control our emotions, to lead with our brain, but the body never lies. We know it but we deny it…deny our physical feelings, then our intuitions and emotions. “…the way you feel in your heart, in your guts, is the truth” says Miguel Ruiz.

Our Net of Light retreat ended on October 1st and I am still processing it. The depth of the work we did has meant that chiropractic and acupuncture sessions received afterwards went to a new level, a different place within me. Cataract surgery three weeks later was very successful, but took it out of me in many ways.

My crying is my body releasing grief and old material from a cellular level. From my current soulmate loss, previous trauma in this lifetime and from past lifetimes.

We all follow our own path in healing. Many people experience body grief, (unexplained physical, emotional and physiological effects of deep loss). I am very somatic, (feel things in my body), so my body grief may be greater than that of some folks.

Our bodies hold the memory of everything. Memories, including personality traits, can be stored in individual cells or organs, not just in the brain. Heart transplant studies have shown changes in the personality of heart transplant receivers, favouring the personality of the donor. “As the brain has a memory, the heart also does” says A. Hashim et al in their book Heart Memory & Feelings.

Will I ever empty myself and become a tabula rasa?…a clean slate in the sense of a free creative spirit? Perhaps not, however once begun the process continues. My seeking is changing me, bringing me to new places inside myself and new opportunities in the outside world.

EIGHT BENEFITS OF CRYING from medicalnewstoday.com

  • Lowers BP
  • Oxytocin & endorphins released may ease physical & emotional pain
  • Parasympathetic Nervous System is activated & helps relaxation
  • Crying may rally social support (although not big in our society)
  • Enhances mood
  • Releases toxins
  • Aids falling asleep
  • Fights bacteria by releasing lysozyme, a powerful antimicrobial
  • Improves vision by release of basal tears that have a cleaning effect

** Note: It could be depression if no reason & crying is uncontrollable **

BOOKS:

  • The Body Keeps the Score – Bessel Van Der Kolk
  • The Body Remembers – Babette Rothschild

Love & Light

Ellen

Copyright 2023 Ellen Besso

Ellen Besso is a retired Life Coach, Counsellor & an energy worker. She is the author of An Indian Sojourn: One woman’s spiritual experience of travel & volunteering, and Surviving Eldercare: Where their needs end & yours begin, both available through Amazon. Ellen is currently working on a book about her partner’s illnesses, his transition to spirit, & the many forms of contact they have had since Don left this planet.

Last Christmas Dinner 2019

My Soulmate Died – Excerpt from WIP

On By ellenbessoIn change, Grief, Spirit Contacting Us, spirituality1 Comment

PROLOGUE

In late 2018 signs began to appear that all was not as it should be. Don began to have short fainting spells, usually after craning his neck or bending up and down. These dissipated after our family doctor told him to drink water first thing in the morning to stabilize his blood pressure, something I had always emphasized after overnight dehydration, not aware of the blood pressure link. Don had spoken of short term memory issues for some time, however he was able to engage with people in his usual upbeat way.

On an unconscious level I knew something was wrong, that something was “coming down the pipe.” And I’m sure Don did also.

We had a year’s reprieve, during that time we celebrated our joint 70th birthdays with close friends on a warm May afternoon, the actual day of my birthday and seven months after Don’s. A month later we took a very special trip to Toronto, our birthplace, Don’s last visit. I hadn’t been there for 19 years myself and we revelled in seeing friends and family, and for me, staying in the neighbourhood my parents grew up in in, called The Annex.

The reason for the trip at this time, and the highlight of it, was visiting our closest Tibetan friends, Doctors of Tibetan medicine, and their three children, in Downtown Toronto. The Mom and kids had arrived from India only 10 days before, after the Dad spent three years settling in and waiting for his family.

Less than six months after this trip the bad news began. An Alzheimers diagnosis that should have come a year earlier, late due to medical neglect and our distraction, confirmed Don’s worry about his failing short term memory in November of 2019.

After our usual large Christmas gathering with friends from five different countries we went to Mexico for five weeks, our last trip together and Don’s last Christmas. The trip was different from our usual ones, stressful because of a couple of odd health issues on Don’s part and my determination to maintain Don’s Alzheimer’s program, meant to maintain his equilibrium.

Two and a half months after our return in mid February of 2020 we received Don’s cancer diagnosis, several masses in his abdomen and metastasis in his liver. Don was terminally ill. Our daughter, myself, other family members and friends were in a daze as things went rapidly downhill from there. Don left us ten weeks later.

He began to contact me almost immediately. “I had to leave”, [my body], he told me when he appeared to me at our bedroom door two days after his physical death. I “saw him” dressed in his blue India travelling pants and his new Mexican shirt. Since that time he has contacted me in almost every way possible for spirits to connect.

Now our connection is more subtle usually, except on special days. Don was very present during the recent Net of Light retreat in New Mexico. Both my friend and I were aware of his tall presence in the session room.

“You’re living on a different plane now”, Sharon McErlane from Net of Light told me after Don’s physical death. My chiropractor and friend, a wise Parsi woman said virtually the same thing: “Your marriage is in a new dimension”.

I have continued to slowly heal and rebuild my life in many ways over the past three plus years, digging deeper into myself, seeking grounding and spiritual support.

Love & Light

Ellen

Copyright 2023 Ellen Besso

Ellen Besso is a retired Life Coach, Counsellor & an energy worker. She is the author of An Indian Sojourn: One woman’s spiritual experience of travel & volunteering, and Surviving Eldercare: Where their needs end & yours begin, both available through Amazon. Ellen is currently working on a book about her partner’s illnesses, his transition to spirit, & the many forms of contact they have had since Don left this planet.

Widowhood Year 4 – What Now?

On By ellenbessoIn change, Grief, WidowsLeave a comment

There is no going back, I can only shift forward. The move from our family home was an enormous one on all levels. It took up the entire third year. The final decision was made early in the first month of the third year. My friend Judy, who lives nearby, tuned into my decision by walking past the back of the property on our lane.

Purging began in December, the fourth month, before the pause for Christmas preparations, and early January saw me thoroughly engaged in this practical, extremely emotional task. My friend Wendy took three loads of excess belongings to the Community Services thrift shop for me and I began tossing junk outside, preparing for the first of two big dump runs, the last one the very day before the house went on the market in late March.

The move and this fourth year flying solo without Don has brought a fresh onslaught of grief, the two events indistinguishable from each other. “Moving is a distraction” said my counsellor Heidi. I agreed. The move over and the physical settling in done, space opened for more grief to be processed.

“I just want it to stop” I said to my acupuncturist a month ago. She suggested I go back on a low dose of antidepressant, but I said no as it took me a year to detox from the liquid Prozac. So she researched & found a Spirit Tonic for me, to help with the emotions and the deeper exhaustion. Over a very few days it helped move me along, physically releasing and emptying more grief from my body, then it tipped me over into grief bursts, (sudden crying spells).

There are many grief models and they don’t all agree. The best model is a self developed, personal plan…what each grieving woman or man has found through their experience to be their grief process.

There is no order to the stages of grief, we flip back and forth between them. I found a good article about the depression stage, the longest and hardest time. I fit some of the criteria, however I am high functioning, I do not isolate or stay in bed. Many people are depressed and high functioning, my daughter reminded me.

People who know me well are fooled by my positive presentation and starting/re-starting of projects. They see me moving forward, seemingly upbeat when we meet. I even fool myself! Until I spiral into sadness, blunted emotions; loss of meaning and crying.

The bright light at the end of the tunnel is acceptance of our loss, something that seems distant and ephemeral. I am working on acceptance of Don’s physical departure, it is slow and I am making good progress. I have come a long way in the past month or so.

Mary Francis, Sisterhood of Widows recently posted a blog that segues nicely with this one. https://sisterhoodofwidows.com/2023/08/07/you-are-not-alone/

Please Note: Photo is used by permission of Simon Matzinger

Ellen Besso is a retired life coach/counsellor, published author, energy worker and practitioner of yoga and Deepak Chopra meditation.

Ellen’s books, An Indian Sojourn: One woman’s spiritual experience of  travel and volunteering and Surviving Eldercare: Where their needs end and yours begin, can be purchased through Amazon. She is currently working on a Grief Memoir about the loss of her long time soulmate, Don, incorporating the story of her partner’s physical downturn and their soul connection since his physical departure.

Ellen

Copyright 2023

Soulmate Grief – 3 Years In

On By ellenbessoIn change, Grief, lifestyle change, Uncategorized2 Comments

Moving forward while simultaneously grieving is my new life. After the second year anniversary I had a clear knowing that selling our family home was the right thing to do. Prepping and selling the property was a four or five month job, making a 65 year old house appealing to the right buyers.

A few weeks before our home went on the market, I purchased an apartment with a view one block away from our house in Lower Gibsons – after coming full circle from my fixation of moving to Upper Gibsons for a fresh start. At some point I slowly stopped visuallizing living in Cedar Gardens, stopped driving up there, stopped seeing the movers, in my minds eye, carry my belongings out the front door of the house and drive into the driveway of the place in Upper Gibsons. Other forces took over…I know that my dear Don, with help from many other spirits, worked hard to redirect me down the hill to our old neighbourhood, near our friends of 33 years, the ocean and shopping area.

I had seen the apartment I eventually purchased months before, I liked itbut did not w ant to live in the over 55 complex or so close to home. The view of the ocean and the mountains from the windows did not impress themselves upon me until much later.

After going through that process, I purchased the lovely apartment and sold the house a couple of weeks later, to the first couple who saw it. All conditions were off just a week after that. The new folks feel blessed to have the beautiful property with its enormous coniferous trees and flower gardens and the small, well cared for house with it’s lovely wooden floors. Everything flowed, including the move a couple of months later.

While the adjustment has been great, I have landed in the right place, surrounded by friendly people, new friends and still in my own neighbourhood. Oddly, or perhaps not, everything is the same in the community except I have moved down the street, however, the area feels strangely off kilter, surreal.

Travelling will be a little simpler now, I’ll lock the door, have a friend check the plants, and freely enjoy myself.

Ellen

Copyright July 17, 2023

Ellen Besso is a former Life Coach & Counsellor & is an energy worker. She is the author of An Indian Sojourn: One woman’s spiritual experience of travel & volunteering, and Surviving Eldercare: Where their needs end & yours begin, both available through Amazon.

Kundalini Awakening – My Long Journey Part 2

On By ellenbessoIn change, kundalini awakening, lifestyle change, spiritual awakening, spirituality, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Responding to Kundalini Awakening

My acceptance of what has been unfolding within me has been gradual. Early on I realized that I was in this process whether I liked it or not, but it has taken a long time for my ego self to begin to graciously accept it.

It was hard not to complain. I went through many phases, first the not knowing, then the initial adjustment, then “I didn’t ask for this”; “I’m too old”, then finally sufficient acceptance to allow a letting go of control, resulting in smoother forward movement.

As it became more intense, my kundalini awakening process took prominence in my life. I managed my energy as best I could, pacing myself, meditating through wakeful nights. Sometimes there was fear but only occasionally a sense of terror… feelings and dreams that made me wonder where this was all leading.

Some people do feel that they are going crazy, and a few end up in the psych ward, usually misunderstood by medical personnel. Christina Grof had unusual physical symptoms after plunging into kundalini experiences after childbirth. She went blind for a few days after one incident, I have read. Her modus operandi was to see a medical doctor whenever any physical symptom bothered her, to rule out serious issues, not revealing anything about her kundalini process.

My medical doctor is very special, and is aware of my process to some degree. He understands that my experience is one type of spiritual awakening, as he has been on his own unique path, and has helped others for many years. I believe medical personnel and energy workers need to be aware of the possibility that their patients are having experiences that are not “mainstream”, therefore part of my job is to be open about my process in order to educate them.

Bonnie Greenwell’s wise advice for dealing with initial awakening may be helpful to you. I only discovered Bonnie a few months ago, and wish I had found her sooner. However, I was in a reactive stage, fighting the process earlier, so my ego self may not have been open to Greenwell’s counsel.

Everyones’s process is different, yet there are major overlaps. Some folks may experience more physical symptoms, while others have more emotional/  psychological manifestations of kundalini. Not everyone has each symptom.

Chapters in the Kundalini Process

From personal experience and from her work with others, Mary Shutan describes three phases of kundalini. The problem here is that the phases are not discrete, the kundalini process is ongoing and circular, we go back to earlier stages and areas of the body that have already been worked on.

The First Phase, often centred in the first three chakras, is intense, Shutan writes. Often we have no idea what is happening to us, as in my case. Some people write about temporary experiences of oneness, bliss and peace during this time, but this was not my experience.

As things evolve, we begin to question many things about our lives and our society, what Shutan calls the Second Phase. This fits for me, my questioning of how our society and the world functions has intensified.  Many random memories have arisen over the past three months in year three of my process, as I struggle to place my life to date within the context of my current life passage.

Although the clearing symptoms are still heavy often, I sometimes feel that I can ‘see the forest for the trees’ now. I am able to access more insight and positive thoughts and feelings than before. This gives me a feeling of moving forward. There is a growing sense that I have been freed from some internal constraints. My heart chakra is more open, and despite needing to socialize less, I feel connected to some people in a different, somehow truer way, and love myself more now. My Grandmother guides help me tremendously in this process, as does my connection with the Divine Love energy and my Chopra meditation technique.

Unfolding, resting and learning characterize Shutan’s third phase. I do feel that I am unfolding, and also resting, and unfolding does require a great deal of space and rest. My internal push to do has faded as I let go of control more. There is a sense that I am more me now, a truer me. My already simple life has become simpler.

Getting Help: My Wise Holistic Practitioners

Since Kundalini is mostly unknown in the West, undergoing an awakening is often a lonely, isolating experience. When I tried to tell people what was happening to me energetically, emotionally, and psychically they were at a complete loss as to how to react, often saying unhelpful things or perhaps making a joke. In the earlier days I sometimes felt as if I had two heads! “…Most people can only apply their personal paradigm, says Bonnie Greenwell , “…a perspective based on their own experience.” Now, farther along in my process, I am more confident about putting myself out there, however, I only speak to those I trust about the subject.

As the months slowly wore on, my holistic doctors realized that I was  ungrounded, and taught me medical chi gong exercises meant to help me ground myself, ones that I still practice today. They are subtle but helpful. My acupuncture and chiropractic treatments work with the kundalini energy to balance my body and ground the energy also. I’m very grateful to have these doctors. Sadly, they and one dear friend are the only people who appear to have more than a superficial understanding of what I’ve been going through.

Finding the right support people is important. If you have troublesome physical symptoms, consult a trusted MD or naturopath, for old emotional and psychological issues, a spiritually oriented or transpersonal therapist may help. If in doubt about physical or emotional issues, always seek out trusted professionals to rule out medical issues, and confide in supportive friends and family, (even though they may be mystified by your process, they will want to help). The Spiritual Emergence Network, founded by Christina & Dr. Stanislav Grof, may be a good place to begin.

Some Suggestions

The unfolding of my kundalini has so far been challenging, but containable. My life experience, spiritual underpinning, my “good ego strength”, (according to Judith Duerk, my mentor many years ago), and non-working lifestyle have meant that I’ve been able to manage the day to day experiences relatively well. Being a survivor (of life and of sexual abuse), I have learned to function in most circumstances, even when I feel unwell. I guess you could say my motto for life is “Never give up”!

There has been no choice for me but to ride this energetic process through. As Greenwell says, “It’s doing me.” It feels like a rebirth. I am able sometimes to stand outside myself and observe…both myself and others. The Grandmothers have been a constant in my life, they have held the space for me and, I believe, accelerated my process, particularly the work we all did together at the Gathering retreat at Joshua Tree Retreat Centre last April, two years into my process.

This is what I have learned:

  • Daily walks have been of great benefit, along with specific stretches when parts of the body call out to me; both help move the energy.
  • Plenty of quiet, alone time helps me be in relationship with my process.
  • Kundalini awakening draws much energy from the core, so lots of rest is necessary, especially in later stages.
  • Eating regularly helps me stay grounded. Good food along with B vitamins and a herbal nervous system tonic have helped build up my nervous system. Although alcohol may seem like an effective self medication, little or no alcohol seems to be best. Recently I have found both the taste & effects of wine quite unsatisfactory.
  • Energy work with acupuncturists who have knowledge about kundalini has helped me ground the rising energy & balance my body overall.
  • To bring the energy down later in the day, I soak my feet in a pail of hot water with epsom salts, do medical chi gong exercises and take Traditional Chinese Medicine harmonizing pills called Cinnamon-D.
  • CBD oil with low level THC has assisted me with anxiety and sleep issues over the last two months.
  • Most importantly, I am learning to be kind and gentle with myself as I go through this amazing process.

Although I have continued to go out into the world in a somewhat limited way, socializing, volunteering with refugees, and singing in a choir, the place I dwell in is  not the same one as before. I am different now.

Coming Next: Part 3

When Will it Be Over; My Life Now; Final Words

Love & Light

Ellen

Copyright 2019 Ellen Besso

Ellen Besso is a former Life Coach & Counsellor & is an energy worker. She is the author of An Indian Sojourn: One woman’s spiritual experience of travel & volunteering, and Surviving Eldercare: Where their needs end & yours begin, both available through Amazon.

 

Expansion or Withdrawal, What Do You Choose?

On By ellenbessoIn change, Positivity, spirituality, The Earth, Uncategorized2 Comments

“We cannot ever stop this process, [of spiritual evolution], although we are capable of slowing it down to an agonizing pace, until our choices match up with the inner wisdom of our soul’s essence.”   (Matt Kahn)

There’s a tremendous amount of energy coming down the pipe these days. Now we have reached the 11/11 spiritual portal, a catalyst of  both collective and individual  potentiality, one that will allow us to enter a space of higher vibration than ever before. How do you choose to deal with this powerful energy? Will you hide from this profound shift or embrace it?

Note: A spiritual portal is a doorway that allows free access to and from the spirit world, a merging of our three dimensional earthbound plane and the four dimensional etheric plane.

Each day when I awake I feel different. It’s not just me; many of us seem to be moving at a rapid pace, spurred on in our spiritual growth by our intent and by the rapidly changing physical and energetic situations around us. At this point in my life I have a certain amount of clarity. The goals I’m working towards remain constant: to move forward spiritually and to keep my physical body healthy.

My methods of doing this are varied, mainly involving emptying myself through meditation, prayer, singing, energy treatments and gentle exercise, and by assisting other folks through my presence, healing sessions and refugee resettlement volunteer work.

A year after the Great Council of Grandmothers called me to their work of healing the planet by restoring the balance of yin and yang, I attended a Net of Light gathering in Joshua Tree, California, then began a women’s group in my home. Our monthly meetings have added to the collective waves of energy directed at healing our planet and have comforted and empowered us.

Although my overall focus is clear, my motivation waivers, as doubts enter to take me off course.  This seems to be a commonplace occurrence with people of varying ages during this time of strong energies.  Old feelings and memories are surfacing, asking to be processed, life reviews are taking place.

Upon rereading one of Judith Onley’s channelling’s from US, (United Souls of Heaven and Earth) – from 9 years ago – I learned that even then our increased ability to cross time lines and dimensions allows us to see, hear and feel the past, present and future at the same time.

So it is natural that old cellular and soul material is arising and being dealt with in increasing quantities during this time of intensification. If we ignore it, it comes back to bite us in various ways – emotionally, mentally, physically and/or spiritually.

We are being offered a unique opportunity to grow spiritually – to empty ourselves and fill with light energy. We can choose to embrace the spiritual expansion being offered or  attempt to maintain the status quo.

The Universe is calling us to step up at this time, to take our place, to help make our lives and the life of our planet better, to expand spiritually. We are being shown how to live. We will hear the subtle whispers from spirit if we listen carefully.

Knowing that I’m all about the energy, the other day the spirits offered me a way to protect and strengthen myself. During my morning journalling I received guidance to visualize expanding my energy instead of keeping myself small. Not shrinking and disempowering myself when the challenges come.

Our energy system is both within and outside of us, as you are aware. Seven energetic layers surround us, to a distance of up to three feet from our bodies. Our aura can shrink when we are afraid.

I believe that now is the time for me to ‘just do it’. To listen to my guidance, however subtle, and make the changes necessary to move ahead and contribute all I can to the world.

Our changes don’t have to be big, heroic things – I was reminded of that this morning. If I continue doing the activities and projects I have put in place in a consistent way, then I am doing my part.

We owe it to ourselves and the planet to accept our power. And we are not alone. The veil is lifting, the other side is closer now than it has ever been. The angels walk among us, helping us to fill ourselves with light.

We have a choice: Embrace Expansion or Hide from it. I choose to embrace expansion – because what is the alternative?

“You’re a part of something integral…something wonderful”, the Grandmothers tell us…You aren’t a separate entity at all,”…”You’re the Net of Light, an eternal, endless being — greater by far than you’ve imagined.”

Love & Light

Ellen

Copyright 2018 Ellen Besso

Ellen Besso is a former Life Coach & Counsellor & is an energy worker. She is the author of An Indian Sojourn: One woman’s spiritual experience of travel & volunteering, and Surviving Eldercare: Where their needs end & yours begin, both available through Amazon.

 

 

 

Projects, not Work

On By ellenbessoIn change, Positivity, spirituality, Spirituality in Action, Uncategorized4 Comments

I’m a focused person, but I don’t do “work” anymore, I have “projects”. Some of projects have an end goal, like a choir performance, or posting a finished blog article, but I’m moving towards “Everything has its own time, and there is a specific time for every activity under heaven.”  (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Our time isn’t God/dess’ time. The Universe operates on kairos, or natural time, not kronos, man made linear calendars. The concept of natural rhythms is not on the radar for most people, and those of us who are aware of it still find it hard to live this way in an ongoing way in our functional society.

It’s taken me quite a while to slow down and follow my internal wisdom, to lessen the degree to which I buy into our goal oriented, time dependent culture. Now that I’m internallizing the idea in a heartfelt way, I am beginning to thoroughly enjoy living this way. Feeling into my internal wisdom and my guidance means I do not question or self criticize in the ways of the past.

A theme of energy movement runs through my projects, in keeping with my spiritual motto, or mantra, if you will, of “follow the energy”. The Net of Light Women’s group where we meet to commune with the Grandmothers’ Council to help rebalance the planet, my new Inspirito,  singing from the heart choir, ongoing blog musings and a recommitment to providing a service offering energy balancing sessions to friends and acquaintances, all segue into a more clearly defined spiritual approach to my life.  I am blessed in the life I am living and my awareness of this grows daily.

Love & Light

Ellen

Copyright 2018 Ellen Besso

Ellen Besso is a former Life Coach & Counsellor & is an energy worker. She is the author of An Indian Sojourn: One woman’s spiritual experience of travel & volunteering, and Surviving Eldercare: Where their needs end & yours begin, both available through Amazon.

 

Co Housing Retrospective

On By ellenbessoIn change, lifestyle change, UncategorizedLeave a comment

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It’s odd the way things happen…We lived in a small co housing community in Vancouver from late 2001 until mid 2006, selling our unit about a year later. We  fell into our first apartment there, having been gently urged by a friend who often stayed in the building to visit a woman who rented her unit each winter when she volunteered in Africa. Our home is on the Sunshine Coast, a small rural community a 40 minute ferry ride from Vancouver, and weren’t looking for a place in the city, although we had both begun to work in Vancouver.

The funky looking building, consisting of town houses and apartments, had been built three years previously on a lot that at one time held three houses and a corner store. The community was a village unto itself, an oasis in the midst of city busyness, a place where you could visit with other residents in the laundry room, while reading the paper in the foyer sitting room, at common meals or in each others’ apartments. After the initial six months, still needing a place in the city, and wanting to stay in the co housing, we purchased a small, lovely apartment with a water view.

Living semi communally in a building with about twenty other families was a new experience, not at all like my small communal house in Guelph while I was a university student. For the most part it was very pleasant in this middle class community neighbourhood of well educated, similarly minded folks.

The building was self managed, and until I stopped going and my partner continued on, to represent our unit, meetings were a frustrating experience for me…as a strong minded group of folks micro managed each aspect of running the building. My joke was that it took us three months to decide what toilet paper to buy for the common house washroom!

Recently we returned to “our” co housing for their 20th anniversary celebration, after being back in our small town for 12 years,  It felt very familiar, it was basically the same community, but in my recollection it was a friendlier place during our four and a half year stint there. Several of our friends were missing that day, both current and past residents of the building, but the ones who were there, folks who had established the co housing twenty years earlier, were happy to see us. Oddly, even though we were guests in their “home”, not one newer resident, arrivals after our time, said hello, or asked if I was a former resident, or a friend of someone in the building, to my disappointment.

It was a nostalgic feeling returning after so many years at such a special time. We felt at home, yet not at home. I’ll never forget my time living in co housing, and I’m sure my partner, Don, won’t either. We are very happy to be back in our own small house near the ocean, in our quiet but active community here on the Sunshine Coast of BC. Had we remained in Vancouver, we would have stayed in co housing.