Twice before Don passed in 2020, I received the message through that “knowing” third eye way, that I would be okay, I would go forward and enjoy my life.
It’s taking a long time…
My “Locked Out” blog post of October 21st succinctly explained how the Universe told me, in a series of ways, that I needed to put my grief memoir on hold.
It was a tough thing to do. As a writer one does not feel complete when not writing. Most importantly, not working on the book took me further from Don and from the life we led for 43 years.
I have not been able to write blogs either since the decision. I needed to pull back, pause and to reassess up to now. After a day of deep processing consisting of journalling and weeping, my way of releasing trapped cellular energy, the dam opened, and I began to handwrite blog drafts.
Temporarily shelving my grief memoir began yet another phase in my life. I recognized the value of following my guidance, yet at the same time felt lost and at loose ends. I did realize that the non writing void offered up possibilities.
Another wakeup call came recently in the form of lab reports telling me my LDL, or bad cholesterol, is too high. I have been pushing the borderline cholesterol envelope for about twenty years, and now it’s payback time. Cleaning up my diet is another part of my new phase, as I see it.
My slow movement forward over these past four years has led to a major home move in 2023, and this year to new activities: Taking up ukelele playing in the spring, (easy as I have played guitar in a lackadaisical way over the years). It’s a fun group close to home, and has resulted in the restoration of my singing voice. My next goal is singing at the Legion singalong in the spring.
Currently I am hopeful of finally securing a “meaty” volunteer job, where my skills are recognized and honoured. Beginning in the spring, I will volunteer coaching and running small groups at a local centre.
Slowly, slowly, I am developing my new life…becoming “me” instead of part of the “we”. There’s a reason why I’m here. I ask myself: “What can I offer the world during these years of my life?” All of us are here for a reason, to learn and contribute in whatever form that may take. What might your purpose be?
Eclectic Spirituality 
hi very good blog I like the points you make about the new life to create and creative energy!
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Discovering the Power of Universal Connection
Last year, before embarking on my journey to Canada, I stumbled upon an extraordinary connection with the universe—completely by accident. This revelation came after a harrowing period of battling asthma, a condition that left me feeling utterly hopeless. Each breath felt like a monumental struggle, an endless torment with no certainty of relief.
One day, as I floated on the surface of the sea, staring into the vastness of the sky, I made a silent plea. With no clear direction, I asked for anything—any force—that could rescue me from this suffering. I felt that if I still had a mission in life, something or someone would intervene. That was almost two years ago, and what followed has been nothing short of miraculous.
Signs from the Universe
After that moment of surrender, my life became a series of uncanny coincidences. At the time, I knew nothing about concepts like angel numbers, universal energy, or spiritual connections. Yet, it seemed as though the universe was subtly guiding me along its path.
It began with recurring numbers. Every time I checked the time on my phone, I’d see identical digits—11:11, 22:22, and so on. This happened so often that I went from being mildly curious to feeling downright annoyed. I knew it wasn’t random, but I couldn’t make sense of it.
Despite being someone who often turns to Google for answers, I strangely refrained from searching for an explanation. That is, until one night during my first week in Canada. As I was about to sleep, a thought arose: Why not search for the meaning of these repeating numbers? That simple act became the key to a door I hadn’t realized was there.
Unlocking Universal Guidance
That night, the universe began communicating with me in ways I never imagined. Suddenly, answers to my questions appeared everywhere—not just on Google. They emerged in YouTube videos I wasn’t intentionally seeking, snippets of conversations overheard, or even casual remarks from my partner. It became evident that none of this was mere coincidence.
As my connection with the universe deepened, I developed a routine to nurture it. Daily walks in nearby forests felt like meditative rituals, strengthening the bond. With time, I became fiercely protective of my energy, refusing to allow negative emotions to take root. Whenever I sensed negativity creeping in, I practiced grounding—walking barefoot on the earth, even in freezing weather, to release those energies.
Manifesting Through Thought
This connection also enhanced my ability to manifest. I realized that my thoughts alone could set events in motion, sometimes immediately, other times more gradually. One vivid example occurred shortly before returning to Thailand after months in Canada.
I quietly wished for some solitude to practice meditation at Suan Mokkh, a retreat center where I had once delved into Buddhist teachings. The idea was to spend one or two weeks re-centering myself after six intense months of shared time with my partner.
Upon arriving home in Thailand, however, my partner unexpectedly proposed ending our relationship. His words—“Let’s end this”—didn’t shock me. In fact, they felt like a natural progression of what I had already manifested, albeit unintentionally. Instead of resisting, I extended my hand, smiled, and said, “Deal.”
The Power of Letting Go
What followed was surreal. While my partner succumbed to anger and unleashed a torrent of insults, I remained calm. The only words I could muster in response were, Thank you. Not out of defiance, but out of profound understanding that this was the universe at work.
In hindsight, it was clear that our energies had diverged completely. We were like oil and water, no longer compatible. And yet, I felt no sadness or bitterness—only gratitude.
A Year of Spiritual Growth
Since that day, I’ve embraced the path laid out by the universe. I’ve come to understand that my partner and I were twin flames, destined for separation so we could grow individually. This realization has shielded me from negativity, allowing me to thrive with clarity and purpose.
Now, I live with unwavering trust in the universe. Each day, I am guided, protected, and reminded that everything unfolds as it should. When the time is right, the reunion of twin flames will happen—but until then, my journey continues, filled with lessons and limitless potential.
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You are on a fascinating journey! Thanks for the comment. E
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Thank you Ellen. As always, your “from the bones” writing expresses the essence of the matter. And the searching question you end with deserves rethinking at this stage of our lives – the purposes we think we have in youth are refining down through the fire of hard experiences and pain to the true motivating and sustaining energy of our lives, don’t you think? Bless youSo good to connect today.With lover
http://www.roseclarke.ca I acknowledge with respect and gratitude the privilege of living and working on the unceded ancestral homelands of the shíshálh and sḵwx̱wú7mesh Peoples
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Thank you Rose🌹 for this thoughtful comment. I like that writing from the bones idea. And I totally agree about refining down and using our energies to do what feels most important to us. Ellen
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