I’ve kept a low profile since returning from the life changing Net of Light gathering in New Mexico. It was my second one; Don and I attended one at Joshua Tree Retreat Centre, California in April of 2018. This one was smaller, 60 folks instead of 100, and much deeper.

The attendees were able and ready to work deeply, and the gatherings held in Germany, then Belgium immediately before ours coalesced the energies for our retreat.

It is almost two weeks since I returned from the five day turnaround trip to Ghost Ranch north of Santa Fe, but it feels longer. Minor virus and ear congestion upon my return was followed by dear Don’s 4th birthday anniversary since he departed from us, on October 8th.

My daughter and I skipped a celebration at the home of our dear sponsored Tibetan family from Northeast India in favour of a quiet day together, celebrating both Don’s and Bronwen’s birthday two days after his. This is our lifelong ritual, and we need to maintain it even though he is no longer with us physically.

Now, a week later, I continue to spend most of my time alone, integrating the changes the gathering has wrought upon me. A dog walking gig for 10 days, although demanding, got me outside regularly into the (mostly) sunny and dry West Coast fall.

I sensed that this second retreat would be formative for me, so did my daughter and other friends. It was four days of pure love, as we sang Net of Light/Grandmother songs, danced and connected deeply with the desert and its fore bearers, also the indigenous tribes where we were born and where we live now.

The energy built and we did ancestor work the third day, tapping into both our matriarchal and patriarchal lineages. Many indigenous groups have historically held broader definitions of consciousness and after our ancestor work I am open to receive more.

As two women supported me in my ritual, one on my matriarchal side, one patriarchal, I received a sudden impression of fire, then a third eye “knowing” that some of my celtic Welsh ancestors were burnt as witches.

This experience of travelling back through time has helped me to a greater understanding of Sharon’s shaman travel training, described in her early books.

The biggest gift from the retreat is that the depth of the experience has allowed me to trust the spiritual guidance of the Grandmothers more, to stop the questioning and allow myself to be led.

This town and its people, my spiritual home for over 30 years, has comforted and succoured me over the past three years since I lost my soulmate. I am beginning to get the sense that I no longer need to limit myself, that I will be expanding and visiting more places, using this new home as a jumping off point, a “placeholder”, as the Grandmothers referred to it recently.

As I walked around the neighbourhood one recent afternoon, I met several neighbours from the family house. “Oh, they’re still here” I thought in surprise, as I spoke with Kathy as she weeded her property, and with Michele when she stopped her car in the middle of the street to visit. I hadn’t seen them for weeks, and now that my living experience has change, the town and the neighbourhood seem like a different place. It is time to branch out into my new life.

Now I am beginning to feel hope for my future, something that has been lost to me over the past three years. “It will get better and better” Sharon told me at the end of the retreat. Part of me felt she was saying that to buck me up in the moment…but the woman is a shaman after all, so I believe she was speaking her truth.

Love & Light

Ellen

Copyright 2023 Ellen Besso

Ellen Besso is a retired Life Coach, Counsellor & an energy worker. She is the author of An Indian Sojourn: One woman’s spiritual experience of travel & volunteering, and Surviving Eldercare: Where their needs end & yours begin, both available through Amazon. Ellen is currently working on a book about her partner’s illnesses, his transition to spirit, & the many forms of contact they have had since Don left this planet.