“The greatest privilege of a human life is to become midwife to the soul” - John O’Donohue

I was introduced to the writing of John O’Donohue by a friend of a friend, at cosy dinner in her little cottage on the Sunshine Coast over three years ago. She lent me her copy of Eternal Echoes. It took me a while to read it as each chapter, each page really, is so rich with ideas. And every idea gives one pause.

John was an Irish Catholic priest who was so ‘out of the box’ in his thinking that the Catholic Church couldn’t deal with him and his ideas. When we had the privilege to meet him he no longer had a parish, but still thought of himself as a priest. He wore the priest’s stole around his neck.

To me John O’Donohue was a philosopher and mystic, a very rare man, unlike anyone else.  I consider myself very fortunate to have spent a day with him at a workshop at UBC in early 2007, about a year before he died suddenly. Our day together was a combination of his spiritual philosophy, powerful personal exercises, and kind of a rambling, eclectic book review. There was little talk of religion.

PBS will soon be airing A Celtic Pilgrimage With John O’Donohue a program that’s been many years in the making. By pressing this link you can listen to a two minute trailer with John himself speaking and get updates on when the show will air in your area.

I think it’s time for me to re-read Eternal Echoes. As I ponder and review some things from my past and look forward to my future John O’Donohue’s thoughts will have a fresh, new affect on me, I believe.

An article in the Vancouver Sun caught my eye about a week ago. It was entitled Take a Leap & Book the Family for a Six-Month Adventure.

The family in the article went to the Mount Everest basecamp in Nepal. Although there are obstacles like work, school and money, it’s well worth it for families with kids to explore continents together, the article maintains.

As you’ve likely read, my partner and I are traveling to far-away places these days. We meet many midlife couples and single women, and many more younger peole on our journeys. But now and again we do meet families with quite young children and they appear to be having a wonderful, relaxed time.

So, although it’s easier for us with no kids at home and fewer financial responsibilities now, it can and is done by families. What a rich experience to offer children in their formative years. Their lives will be changed forever; no amount of awareness raising at home or school can match these hands on experiences.

So, yes it is a leap to make a decision to go away for an extended period of time, whether we are single, coupled or a family. But what good things in life don’t require some risk?

I invite you to think about Taking a Leap into travel, volunteer work, career change, new relationships…whatever excites you and fills your heart with joy. If your reservations are holding you back, list the main ones, then come up with as many reasons as you can think of to disprove them.

There’s a lot written about managing stress today, as many people are living in a state of chronic stress. One of the very best ways to lower our stress level is to simplify our lives. We can’t do it all at once unless we just walk away from our lives, and most of us aren’t willing to do that. But we can do it turtle step by turtle step.          

For example some people simplify their work by moving closer to their job, or visa versa. They buy themselves a lot of time that way. Often they’re then able to walk to work, which ‘feeds two birds with one hand’. Many of us are now have businesses that are based right in our home, a pretty short commute! Some women shorten their hours or number of days worked. Yes, this usually means a cut in pay, but they find the reduced stress and slower pace of their life is more than worth it.

In our coaching sessions, we often examine and dissect our daily activities. This helps us get to the root of what is stressing us and causing us unhappiness.

Try this exercise & you may be surprised:

• Quickly make a list of everything you do.

• Your list can cover one week or one day, or be a general list of overall duties, whatever feels right to you.

• Go through your list very quickly - and put a big red X next to the things  you don’t want to do for any reason.
• Just reading the ones you’ve market with the X’s is usually quite enlightening.
• Now, take each X’d item and choose to either:   Scrap it altogether; Spend less time on it, or Do it less often
• The easiest way to do this is to take 1 item per day - turtle steps remember!

This exercise has been adapted from one of Martha Beck’s. Try it; it really works!

Third Age Blog has some great material on simplifying life. Check it out.

One of the most common problems caregivers have is the feeling of isolation. It seems to go with the territory. We get so immersed in our daily responsibilities: the problem solving, the visits, the strong emotional connection, that we start to run a ‘one woman show’. After a while caregiving just becomes a way of life.

We’re not sure that there’s anyone out there who will hear us or help us anyway. Friends may not be in the same situation, siblings may not be able or willing to help. Or we may feel that our situation is different from everyone else’s.

After months or years of caregiving we’ve often internalized so much that we have a well of grief in us. I believe that comes from being isolated from like-minded individuals and families who are going through similar experiences. Many women have said after the fact, ‘I wish I’d had Surviving Eldercare when I was taking care of my mom.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Talk to other women (and men too) about your experiences, you’ll be surprised to hear that many of them are or have been caregivers in some form or other. Join a group in your neighborhood (check the local paper, call Public Health), start a support group if you have to, read and post comments on blogs and forums. These are just a few ideas.

Ryan Malone of Inside Elder Care posted a good article on this subject this week called Creating an Elder Care Support Network to Reduce Stress

Whether you’re a stressed working mom, a caregiver for your parents or other disabled family member, or you want to add more passion and spark to your life, this will help you. By clearing away the background noise, we can free up loads of energy.

Most of us obsess to some degree or other, so don’t feel you’re the only one! These obsessive thoughts represent our major fears We usually have 5 or 6 of them. This is what Martha Beck told her coaches during our last conversation. It makes sense to me.

What are your major fears?

Here are some of mine:

1. Fear of putting myself out there (& making myself big)
2. Fear that my body will let me down
3. Fear that if I don’t keep moving I’ll become inert
4. You fill in the rest

Some of our fears are right there in our faces (if we acknowledge them). Others we can  tease out, identify and dissolve using specific tools. This is one of the things my clients and I do in our work together. It’s what I do for myself.

Doing this makes a huge difference in our lives - it adds sparkle to our days, and at night we sleep better. It can mean the difference between living a life full of passion life or a so-so one.

Try this for dealing with one of your fears:

• Write down the fear
• Make a list of why this fear may be exaggerated or simply not true
• Don’t monitor yourself as your write; think of it as a brainstorming session
• See if you can get at least 20 reasons, but you may go up as high as 50

To help you get started, I’ve taken my first fear:

• NAME OF FEAR: Fear of putting myself out there
• MY LIST:

1. People won’t like me
2. People will criticise me
3. It won’t work
4. I’m tired
5. It doesn’t interest me
6. It doesn’t matter
7. I can’t afford it
8. I’ll lose my comfort level
9. & so on

This will help you to begin dissolving what holds you back from making the changes you want to make to manage your life better, whether it’s reducing your stress, finding time for yourself, simplifying your life or beginning something brand new.