Ellen Besso Coaching

We’re told we’re meant to live in joy. But we seem to spend an awful lot of our time doing things and thinking things that are counter-productive to this, for whatever reason. They’re the antithesis of joy actually.

Here are the activities I’ve done lately that have taken me away from my North Star and joy, and the conclusions I’ve come to about them:

* Time spent in the company of an acquaintance that created a need for downtime afterwards. Sometimes we’re just on different wavelengths than another and therefore operate differently in the world. I will choose to spend my time with friends who feed me & I them.

* Several hours working on the complexities of posting, editing and sending my newsletter, then double -posting and linking it to several spots on my website. Recently Dr. Toni Lamotta wrote that it’s maturity to pay for what you’re not good at doing, so this is what I’m doing from now on (4-5 hours for me; 1 hour for my ‘Web Angel’ to do it).

Then there are the thoughts that take me away from joy – an even tougher challenge in a sense because they happen with more frequency than the behaviours! Here are my recent thoughts and what I’ve done to change them:

* An unspecified anxious feeling of ‘something’s wrong’ periodically during the day, just before sleep or early in the morning. Imagining I’m breathing in my feeling of unsettledness and that of everyone else with similar feelings, then breathing it works wonders for me. After 2 to 3 repetitions I am calmed and soothed in an almost magical way that I certainly can’t account for. You can read more about this in my latest newsletter, including the Buddhist retreat, just above this posting or on my website).

* Worry about the someone else’s health and the possible outcome. I realized that there are 2 ways to approach this, as with many issues. We can only do our best to be healthy. Then we have a choice: we can rise above our challenges or let them bring us down.

Some additional ideas that may help you:

* Think of a particular thing, person or place that bothers you. Ask yourself what mood you’re in, what thoughts you have and most importantly how various parts of your body feel (e.g. tight, nauseous). then do the same with something or someone you feel good about. If the answer you get is positive, you’re going towards joy; if negative, you’re moving away from your North Star. (Martha Beck calls this ‘Shackles On/Shackles Off’)

* Sit in the stillness breathing gently. You’ll get a peaceful feeling and guidance from within in a surprisingly short time.

Remember, what’s right for us produces joy, warm feelings, excitement (if it feels scary too along with the excitement, that’s okay) as long as the pleasure is there. Otherwise it’s simple – it’s not right for us.