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MidLife Maze – Elder Care – Ending the Isolation
One of the most common problems caregivers have is the feeling of isolation. It seems to go with the territory. We get so immersed in our daily responsibilities: the problem solving, the visits, the strong emotional connection, that we start to run a ‘one woman show’. After a while caregiving just becomes a way of life.
We’re not sure that there’s anyone out there who will hear us or help us anyway. Friends may not be in the same situation, siblings may not be able or willing to help. Or we may feel that our situation is different from everyone else’s.
After months or years of caregiving we’ve often internalized so much that we have a well of grief in us. I believe that comes from being isolated from like-minded individuals and families who are going through similar experiences. Many women have said after the fact, ‘I wish I’d had Surviving Eldercare when I was taking care of my mom.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Talk to other women (and men too) about your experiences, you’ll be surprised to hear that many of them are or have been caregivers in some form or other. Join a group in your neighborhood (check the local paper, call Public Health), start a support group if you have to, read and post comments on blogs and forums. These are just a few ideas.
Ryan Malone of Inside Elder Care posted a good article on this subject this week called Creating an Elder Care Support Network to Reduce Stress
I would have to add that caregiving all too often is experienced as a personal or soletary task, when it really can be shared with those who love you and would like to help – if they knew how. Of course, we’ve all experienced the chaos of random acts of kindness and the additional stress needed to manage well-meaning helpers. However, there are online tools that can make coordinating the activities of others less of an additional burden than you might think and the result will make everyone involved – including you – feel better about the situation and themselves. Consider setting up a free, private, webpage at LifeEventNet.com, for example, where you can ask for the help you need and invite the people you trust to learn how they can help. It’s free and private.
Hi David: Thanks for your comment. I agree totally; it’s isolating & for some reason many women (I can speak only for women) just suck it up, put their heads down & keep going by themselves.
Thanks for the on-line tool suggestion. I’ll check it out & keep it in mind for others.