Ellen Besso Coaching

I thought all women went through an upheaval in midlife, beginning with the enormous changes of perimenopause. But maybe not. Or perhaps they simply never spoke of it! I never thought of it as a midlife crisis, or any type of crisis, rather a process of growth, a journey.

Now some writers are using the term midlife crisis to describe women’s drive for change during these middle years. More women than men report a turbulent midlife transition by age 50 – 36.1% of women, compared with 34% of men – according to research by Elaine Wethington, a Cornell University associate professor. I’m surprised the percentage is not higher, frankly, because women change so much, in so many ways, in midlife. There’s the hormonal deluge as the body reinvents itself as a non-childbearing woman, the social changes as families grow up, career transitions and simply the awareness that time is marching on and that we’re desirous of  new experiences, of seeing and doing different things, making alternative choices and accomplishing unique goals.

Sue Shellenbarger of The Wall Street Journal documents dozens of heartfelt tales of pain, upheaval, rebirth and transformation in middle age in her new book, “The Breaking Point: How Female Midlife Crisis Is Transforming Today’s Women.” She says that as gender roles change women are increasingly experiencing their own version of upheavals.

Many of the women interviewed said they were changing and the old values and goals no longer made sense to them; they had no idea other women were experiencing a similar thing, however. A variety of studies suggest that women undergo bigger changes than men in middle age and some have a more positive attitude about their future prospects also, rebounding dramatically in the area of personal fulfillment at midlife.

Other women feel the stirrings of change but may not be clear about what aspects of their life they want to change or how to accomplish this. They often need help to distinguish what their passion is, as opposed to what they feel they should do, and to determine the steps they need to take to move forward into new endeavours.

We can begin to sort out our desires and longings, our likes and dislikes on our own. One good way to start is to journal regularly, to simply jot down thoughts and feeling about the various aspects of our lives – our relationships, career, social life, volunteer work, travel, vacation, creative endeavours. Be completely honest with yourself when you journal, you deserve nothing less.  A qualified, experienced life coach can be very helpful for bouncing ideas off, processing through powerful exercises and helping us be accountable to our change.

Ellen Besso, Martha Beck certified life coach and trained counsellor, is committed to helping midlife women enrich their lives. She is the mother of an adult daughter and was caregiver for her elderly mother and a close friend who recently passed away. Ellen’s personal goal is to live and work in a spiritual, heart centred way. She is the author of Surviving Eldercare & has numerous articles published on midlife and eldercare.