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Guest Blog by MJ Ryan – Envision Your Next Chapter
Monica’s teenage son went off to college last September. Then her family business, where she worked, went under. At first, she was grateful for the peace and quiet, but she’s now having trouble getting into motion again: “I just feel like giving up and hiding in a hole for the next ten years.
Monica is in the midst of a transition. They often happen in mid life, but they can also be brought about by an unasked-for change. When this happens, one chapter of our lives has come to a close and a new one hasn’t begun. The uncomfortable gap in between, when we may feel malaise or even panic is what it means to be in transition.
I learned this perspective from Candice Carpenter in her book Chapters. Because we’re all living longer and change is accelerating, we will go through many chapters, each with its own dramas, excitement, requirements and difficulties. Just like with a great novel, we may not be sure where the story will take us and can feel lost or confused.
I love Carpenter’s approach because it helps us make sense of our lives as a whole, and encourages us to seek the narrative of our lives beneath the surface of our day-to-day activities. When I work with people like Monica, I ask them to go back through their lives and name the chapters they’ve lived through so far. Then, in order to help them get their future thinking going, I ask them what they’d like the next chapter to be called. That’s important because, as the quote says, “pain pushes until vision pulls.” The more we’re connected to what we want to go toward in our lives, the more energy and enthusiasm we have to make the journey. But remember, just like in a book, you usually don’t know exactly what’s in the next chapter until you’ve lived it. That’s what makes life so excitingand challenging!
Go back and give the chapters of your life titles. Then look at the pattern. What do you want the name of your next chapter to be? There should be some sense of excitement when you say it. That’s a clue that you’re in touch with some real desire.
This is no idle exercise. I did it when I turned 50 and noticed how much work and effort my life contained up to that point. So I named the next chapter “Easy Does It.” And so far at least, my 50s have in fact been the most effortless decade of my life.
Your life has a trajectory that is created from some mysterious combination of outside pressures and internal longings. We don’t have to rotely bend ourselves into whatever shape seems to be called for, but to use the pressure to become more of who we are and offer more of what we have to give.
About MJ
A member of Professional Thinking Partners who is recognized as a leading expert in change, M.J. Ryan specializes in coaching high performance executives, entrepreneurs, individuals, and leadership teams around the world to maximize performance and fulfillment. Her clients include Microsoft, Royal Dutch Shell, Chevron, Hewitt Associates, and Frito Lay. Her work is based on a combination of positive psychology, strengths-based coaching, the wisdom traditions, and cutting edge brain research. Her new book, titled “AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn’t Ask For” was recently released published by Random House’s Broadway Books. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and daughter.
Here is the link to MJ’s website.
[...] & Writer, recently featured me on her blog, MidLife Maze.  I wrote a guest post titled “Envision Your Next Chapter.“ Monica’s teenage son went off to college last September. Then her family business, where [...]
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