Ellen Besso Coaching

After having just completed a busy four days at the Festival of the Written Arts, listening to speakers and selling books with my fellow independent book publishers, I needed some calming time alone in my office to regroup. Curiously, a client turned up outside my open door with her little dog as I was on the phone; she was 27 hours early for her appointment. But it was the perfect time for me to take a break and move my legs, so the three of us went off down the lane to the beach, where we walked the shoreline for a while. We’re having a heatwave, but there’s a breeze today, so the temperature was just inside my tolerable zone!

Sometimes it’s hard to find the balance between being “out there” where all the people are, and all the intermingled energies, and finding our solitude. We often become skewed in one direction or the other. With the hectic pace most of us are living, time to ourselves can be a necessity.

Many women say they would love more alone time but the demands of family and work intervene. Often a period of transition is necessary; we need to wean those around us, both in the workplace and in our families, away from the idea that we are constantly available, get them used to a little less of us, and motivate them to do more for themselves.

In that spirit I offer you a few ideas that may be helpful:

• Teach family members to do their laundry, contribute to meals & clean their rooms & family shared space.
• Use the old parenting “Behavior-Consequences” method to reinforce this; e.g. no laundry-no clean underwear.
• At work, have an “Open Door” policy, but only during certain hours each day.
• Follow your gut feeling/intuition; when it feels like too much it probably is.
• Buy yourself time before committing to additional activities; personal, work or volunteer; e.g. “I’ll get back to you.”
• Consider cancelling or rescheduling activities when you are overtaxed.
• Spend time in nature each day, more than once if possible; it’s restorative; e.g. 5 minutes strolling near trees; walking barefoot on your lawn or in a park, on the sand or in the water; lying on the grass (kids know to do this naturally).

For those of you who are so used to being with others you find it difficult to be alone, I offer you this brilliant video by filmaker Andrea Dorfman and poet/singer/songwriter Tanya Davis. Davis wrote the beautiful poem and performed in the video. It’s called How to Be Alone.

1. bronny says:

   August 19, 2010 at 3:57 pm

   i like this post a lot. very good points. being alone, being still, being in nature. not culturally reinforced ideas but very necessary for overall well being and happiness.
2. Ellen Besso says:

   August 19, 2010 at 4:26 pm

   Thank you Bronny! Glad it resonated with you. It’s true, they’re not culturally reinforced; that’s why the video/poem was so impactful. & why I put the part about kids knowing to be in nature, even to lie on the grass!