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Selfcare Category
Last week my favourite 5 pm news show in Vancouver addressed the issue of women’s body image on Your Health. The reporter, Dr. Rhonda Low, who is a medical doctor, told us that although many women may say they like their bodies their brainwaves show otherwise when they are measured.
This did not come as a big surprise to me, more in the nature of an ongoing disappointment that women still struggle with body image. For myself, I am pleased with my body in many ways at this point in my life, for example now that I’m past peri-menopause and I put an effort into my fitness, I have considerably less fat and more muscle mass. But there’s always the qualifiers…my buts…I wish my thighs were thinner, my legs longer, my belly a bit flatter in the stomach and abdominal area, that I didn’t have that fleshy sag above my pubic bone produced by two enormous pregnancies (my skin is light, British skin and not as stretchy as darker, oilier skin), and so on. You get the picture, and likely you have your own list of qualifiers.
Linda Lowen, in her article, Do Women Love Their Bodies, says:
“Type the phrase what women hate about their bodies into any search engine. Don’t put it in quotes — just type the words, click “Search” and see what comes up. When I did a Google search, nearly every one of the top 10 results featured “women hate their bodies” verbatim.”
When I tried this I did indeed get a page of negative ‘women hate their bodies‘ articles.
Linda says:
“Now search the phrase what women love about their bodies. (Again, don’t use quotes.) In my Google search, none of the top ten results displayed “women love their bodies” verbatim. In fact, the majority contained negative words like dissatisfaction, afraid, ashamed and other examples of poor self-image.”
Then I decided to search ‘what women love…’ myself, and the result wasn’t very impressive except for Body Image, Loving Yourself Inside and Out
You can read Linda’s whole article if you’re interested.
What are we to make of all this? It’s true that most of us take issue with at least part of our bodies. On the other hand, I don’t believe that we hate them. The positive stuff is out there, we just have to look harder to find it as it’s outweighed by the other, more negative thoughts and ideas.
I leave you with some more interesting and upbeat articles and sites; I found them when I googled Positive articles about women’s bodies.
Last Thursday I watched Debbie Ford, Deepak Chopra and Marianne Williamson on live streaming from New York City, talking about aspects of “The Shadow Effect”, the title of their new book. I studied with Debbie in San Diego in 2008 and found her workshop to be very powerful. Each of the speakers brings a slightly different angle to shadow work, based on their philosophical pov. Deepak Chopra referred to the Bhagavad-Gita several times, an important part of the hindu philosophy, while Marianne Williamson speaks of God.
What I’ve learned about the shadow from my reading, my workshop with Debbie and now from the talk last week, is this: Our shadow is any part of us that we are not owning. We may or may not be aware of it. It’s not always negative either; perhaps you loved to draw when you were small but someone discouraged you so you buried that interest and the related creative growth that went with it. It may be something we are aware of, but not quite disciplined enough or willing to control or balance; e.g. gosipping, overindulging ourselves, skipping our meditation. When we do this our shadow parts are running the show. Read more
Do you give yourself a hard time on a regular basis?
Are you able to support others, but often find fault in what you are doing?
We would never treat our friends, neighbors or associates in this way. We would be quick to step in and say something if we heard someone undermining someone else’s accomplishments with non-constructive feedback, discounting the work they’ve done and giving credit for it to someone else, or undermining their character by saying they’re lazy or incompetent.
Yet often do this exact same thing to ourselves. We zoom in on what’s not working in our lives and ignore or minimize all the amazing accomplishments we have achieved. We beat ourselves up for not doing more…for not being more.
This way of treating ourselves is self-defeating. When we dwell on what’s not working and ignore what is we’re being untrue to ourselves.
We can start to be our own coach today by:
- Beginning to notice how we’re speaking and behaving towards ourself.
- Asking ourself, ‘Is it true’, ‘What proof do I have of that’?
- When I think this way do I feel good or bad?
- Does this talk/action move me forward in my life?
There are thousands of us; we’re in the US, Canada, in Europe, everywhere… caregivers for aging parents. And most of us are midlife women. Whether we are the point woman for our parent who lives in their own home, in a care home or with us, there is one commonality amongst caregivers: Being a caregiver is a very consuming, large responsibility.
We think about our parent and worry about them when we aren’t with them, we try to make their lives as rich as possible. We are good daughters. Many of us have careers, partners, children or grandchildren. Our responsibilities are extensive. We often forget about, or don’t have time to consider our own needs in all the busyness of our lives.
This worksheet is meant to help you pause, to take the time to consider who you are as a caregiverand how much you are doing for your loved one.
My Life as a Caregiver…Who Am I?
Briefly name 3 parts of your life that you’re most proud of:
1.
2.
3.
What do you do for the person you care for and how many hours do you spend doing them?
___ Personal Care Number of hours: ___
___ Appointments Number of hours: ___
___ Social Time Number of hours: ___
___ Shopping Number of hours: ___
___ Management Tasks Number of hours: ___
___ Other Tasks Number of hours: ___List the 3 most important things you do in your caregiving:
1.
2.
3.
Do you think you’re a typical caregiver? _______________
If I wasn’t a caregiver I would __________________________
***** Begin to allot time for what you’d like to do but are not doing ****
“Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly…on a broomstick. We are flexible like that!” – Author Unknown
“If there’s a book you really want to read but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” - Toni Morrison
“Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.” – William Feather
“When you are in a creative or appreciative zone, you literally have no access to your inner lizard, to that fear-based, non creative, shrieking little beasty who’s so afraid you’re going to be a bag lady.” —Martha Beck
“When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you” – Mary Stevenson<
