Ellen's book will strengthen and guide you in your role as caregiver to an elder parent or relative, and help you understand your own physical, emotional, mental & spiritual needs.Now available at
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I invite you to listen to and purchase the first digital EP, called The Ripple Effect, by instrumentalist and singer Lara MatiatioN, a family friend. Lara’s beautiful soulful music is inspired by the events of her life and influenced by the early death of her sister and the close relationship they shared. This moving music has a depth to it that speaks to us at a heart level and expresses a wisdom beyond Lara’s years.
Please help support original and local Vancouver music!
Thanks!
GET YOUR COPY OF RIPPLE EFFECT EP
Follow MatiatioN on Twitter at MatiatioNmusic!
You can also go and “like” the facebook page at
http://www.facebook.com/matiationmusic
In honor of Mother’s Day and the many women who become mothers after age 40, here is a guest blog by my friend Angel LaLiberte, announcing her new community:
It’s a mother of an evolution—launching Mothers’ Day 2011.
If you’re on a journey of motherhood after 40—whether via natural fertility, IVF, egg donation, surrogacy, adoption, or you’re parenting in progress—it’s your time to stand up and be counted.
On May 8th, we invite all women who have become mothers after 40—along with those who wish to be—to join the community of A Child After 40 at Flower Power Mom.
A Child After 40 will empower women and mothers over 40 by uniting them and getting the message out to the rest of the world that it’s time for change.
It’s time to expose the truth about motherhood after 40. Learn about cultural discrimination, social isolation and the secret strengths of women who dare to be mothers in midlife.
Watch the video—A Child After 40—and hear the voices of what has, until now, been a silent and growing maternal army.
In 2010, the CDC reported that the only age group in the United States to show a RISE in birth rate were women over 40.
I have a theory that everyone is now just 1 or 2 degrees away from a mother over 40 or a woman who’s going to be.
We talk of supporting the next generation of children who are faced with saving a planet nearly crucified by human greed.
Who’s empowering the mothers who will raise them? A growing number of them are mothers over 40.
The evolution of women having children later is bringing change at the bedrock of our culture.
And take heed: The same sort of people who now criticize us—accuse us of being selfish granny-moms who put their careers first—will one day wake up and find themselves calling us “Mom.”
To paraphrase Horton, ‘a mother is a mother, no matter how old.’ Respect comes with the job.
So far, we’ve kept our lips zippered about our journey—how challenging it can be facing motherhood, aging and the generation gap, all at the same time.
Sadly, we’ve bought into a culture of ageism and discrimination—the shame of daring to fulfill our dreams of motherhood when we should be sinking gracefully beneath the wrinkling decay of old age.
In fact, the popular image of older mothers has become a cultural archetype.
Or even become a caricature– someone like Eunice’s mama from The Carol Burnett Show, complete with a blue rinse and Coke-bottle bottomed spectacles, whacking anybody with her handbag who dares to speak out of turn.
So far, we’ve swallowed it, laid in the childbearing beds we made for ourselves and kept schtum.
Because they’ve made us feel like the queens of Advanced Maternal Age hiding at the back of the auditorium full peaches-and-cream complexioned Young Homecoming Moms.
But those days are over now.
Our numbers are growing. Our voices will be heard. We’re making our mark on the modern family, despite being discriminated against, at times even vilified, by public and press because of our age.
A new hybrid is emerging–one that fuses a mother’s devoted heart with a grandmother’s ageless wisdom.
Now, that’s as good as it gets!
Isn’t it time for the truth about motherhood after 40?
On Mother’s Day 2011, celebrate the journey of motherhood after 40—join our community and empower each other or those you love who are on the same journey at A Child After 40.
Pay it forward with a Mother’s Day Wish pendant for a donation towards IVF or adoption for another woman over 40.
A CHILD AFTER 40 from www.flowerpowermom.com: empowering women on the journey of motherhood after 40—from fertility, birth and adoption—to a midlife renaissance of parenting and self discovery.
How to get involved with A Child After 40:
A Child After 40 is the first campaign to empower women on the journey of motherhood after 40. Watch and share the revealing new video. Join the coming A Child After 40 online community. Check out the Resources with websites, blogs, books and info for mothers over 40 and women who wish to be—whether through natural fertility, IVF, egg donation, surrogacy or adoption. Pay It Forward with A Mother’s Day Wish pendant. Get involved with A CHILD AFTER 40!
Video: http://www.youtube.com/user/flowerpowermoms
Campaign Info Page: www.flowerpowermom.com/a-child-after-40
Mother’s Day pendant: http://www.etsy.com/shop/flowerpowermom
About the author:
Angel La Liberte is the founder of the website Flower Power Mom—The Truth About Motherhood After 40 (www.flowerpowermom.com), a regular blog featuring news, commentary, real mom stories and expert advice about motherhood after 40. She conceived naturally and gave birth at 41 and 44.
This webinar is sponsored by Open to Hope/the Grief Blog for those grieving on Mother’s Day due to the loss of a Child. Open to Hope has been serving those dealing with loss for many years in a variety of compassionate ways. A couple of years ago Doctors Gloria and Heidi interviewed me about self-care during grieving.
Free Webinar-May 2 with Darcie Sims: Mother’s Day: Survival Techniques After the Death of a Child
Sometimes we know our elderly parents need help, but getting them to accept it is a whole other challenge. My colleague Ryan Malone posted this excellent and very helpful article on his blog Inside Elder Care. He gave me permission to reprint it. Check out his other posts too.
Seven Ways to Talk to Your Parents About Getting Help at Home
It can be difficult to acknowledge the fact that your parent needs some help with day-to-day activities, let alone introducing to them the idea of hiring a professional caregiver for help. Your parent is likely to react to this decision with some resistance. Approaching the subject requires patience and tact. However, there are certain considerations to keep in mind that can help you approach this conversation with your parent with greater success.
Below are some ideas to consider, based on our years of experience with families facing these struggles:
1. List advantages – Make quality home care provided by a hired caregiver desirable to your loved one. Some benefits for hiring in-home care for your parent may be: rather than having to move to an assisted living facility or nursing home, they can remain at home; in-home care is often less costly; they will be given one-on-one attention when their caregiver is there.
2. Focus on independence – Explain why hiring a caregiver is a way for your parent to maintain their independence in their own home. Of course, this is easier said than done. Perhaps paint a visual picture for them. Have they already fallen once or twice? Explain what could happen if they fall again – how it could lead to broken bones, surgery and hospitalization, followed by a lengthy recovery period. The same method could be used if they frequently forget to take their medications, or often miss doctor appointments.
3. Try a different approach – If your parents are still living together, try suggesting that in-home care would benefit their spouse. They may be more willing to accept the care for the sake of their loved one, even if in reality, it is equally beneficial for both parents. If they live alone, focus on concerns or activities that are important to them. For example, your parent may deny needing help, but may be amenable to someone helping with housekeeping and preparing some meals. They may acknowledge that they don’t like to drive at night but still want to attend their weekly bridge game.
4. Make it about you – Explain to your parent how much you worry about them. Or if you have been acting as primary caregiver explain that it has become too much on top of career or parenthood responsibilities. According to a recent study by Genworth, 55 percent of Americans say being a burden on their family is their biggest concern regarding long term care issues. Take this into consideration when approaching your parent about accepting in-home help. You might say, “Mom, I worry about you…and even if you tell me I shouldn’t, it keeps me up at night. Would you try having someone come in once a week for me?”
5. Mitigate fear – An elderly person can act hostile towards a hired caregiver at times, but this action is most likely out of fear. Prior to attempting to alleviate this fear, it is important to understand it. Common fears include loss of independence, losing control and dignity and financial worries. The presence of an outsider is likely to leave the elder feeling vulnerable. Take this into consideration when communicating with them, and respond with empathy rather than with frustration. Realize how your own emotions may be impacting the conversation and increasing resistance. It is important to choose an appropriate time and place for these discussions and set aside time for them.
6. Test it out on a trial-basis – Try hiring an outside caregiver for in-home help on a short-term basis for respite, or recovery care, after being discharged from the hospital or after a fall. This provides an opportunity to show your parent that having a caregiver is not something to fear and often leads to them being open to receiving ongoing care. If they currently rely on you, another family member or friend as their primary caregiver or source of help, try using vacation as an excuse to bring in a professional caregiver while gone. Explain that it is for your own peace of mind.
7. Get advice from a professional – Try discussing the situation with your parent’s primary care physician (this is most likely someone they have known for years and trust). If they share your concern for your parent, they are likely to help by talking to them, explaining why in-home care is the best option for them. Another option is to consult a geriatric care manager, a professional with special expertise in making these assessments. They will be able to provide you with further advice on how to prevent resistance when introducing the new living arrangements with your loved one.
About the authors: Alex Chamberlain is executive director at EasyLiving, Inc., a fully licensed, private duty home health care company serving individuals and families in Pinellas and Pasco counties in Florida.
Shannon Martin, M.S.W., CMC, serves as Director of Communications for EasyLiving, Inc. and Aging Wisely, LLC. Shannon has worked for Aging Wisely, a professional geriatric care management and consultation firm, for over 8 years.
Guest Blog – One Woman’s Opinion on the Vancouver Riots
The reaction of anger and public shaming to those who instigated or went along with the actions of rioters in Vancouver after the loss of the Canucks was counter productive in that anger and violence are never solved or mediated by more anger and self righteousness. The anger about the destruction was understandable, but the only helpful response to the destruction, anger and thoughtlessness is compassion.
I would like to extend the same compassion to those who participated in the riot that I wish others would give me after any of the mistakes I’ve made, and will continue to make, in my life. It may seem trite to say that we all make mistakes and deserve forgiveness, but everyone, regardless of how good their intentions are, will inevitably do many things in their lives, large or small, that hurt those around them. I would like to extend the respect, patience and compassion we all deserve in this lifetime to everyone.
This is not to diminish the impact of the destruction that was created after the game. Those responsible should be held accountable for their actions, but not in a punitive way, which will never help them to truly understand and change their behaviour for the better. In a fair and sane way that respects and acknowledges the humanity of all people, even those who have made a large mistake.
Bronwen Besso-Smith