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“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”
Sam Keen
Ellen Besso’s Office
One of the ways I’ve challenged myself this summer was joining Toastmasters to become a more polished speaker, and I’m thoroughly enjoying the weekly meetings (the early hour is the biggest hurdle). The quote above was the theme of our meeting this week, as we move into our summer program. As the concept of idyllic summer days appeals to most of us I thought I’d explore it in this newsletter.
What makes the living easy for you?
- The warm sun calling you to be outside more.
- The natural way life (both professional and personal) seems to slow down, enabling us to relax into our ourselves and have fun with our family and friends
- Time spent in our blooming gardens, at cottages or in far away countries.
Give yourself permission to ease back during the summer. This will improve your health and quality of life. If you do have to maintain a full schedule choose one small thing that will allow you to relax each day.
Don’t let September arrive without enjoying some of the sun and fun of the summer months.
This winter has been the warmest on record ever for the Vancouver area. Visitors to the Olympics enjoyed a balmy, sunshiny climate for much of the games. As Canadians we can feel quite proud of the success of this international event.
The flowers bloomed early because of the mildness. My neighbour’s small camellia bush was fully in flower with pale peach blossoms and I had some daffodils in my front yard. I am eager to get out there and do the fall cleanup I missed last October because of my trip.
It’s the time of year for change, for new activities and start-ups. We all notice it yet it appears in different ways to each of us, and varies from year to year. Now the push feels more urgent. Some of us are dealing with major life changes; perhaps we’re helping adult children launch themselves in a rapidly changing world, supporting elderly parents as they move into care or become more dependent. It may mean standing by our friends through their own or their family member’s terminal illness, or making career decisions that will impact our lives later.
Many of us feel the pressure right now, so I chose to address the topic of stress in this newsletter. While we want to enjoy the sense of renewal that Spring brings with it, daily demands and subsequent feelings of stress can make this difficult.
In our 21st Century western society, many people live in a state of chronic stress. Whatever the reasons, one of the best ways to lower our stress level is to simplify our lives. We can’t do it all at once unless we walk away from our lives, and most of us aren’t willing to do that. But we can do it turtle step by turtle step.
Let’s take the example of work: Some people move closer to their work, or bring their work nearer to their home, thus gaining significant discretionary time, time not spent in commuting. Perhaps they’re then able to walk to work, “feeding two birds with one hand”. Many of us now have home businesses, no commute at all! Some women shorten their hours or number of days worked. It often means a cut in pay, but the reduced stress and slower pace of life is worth it to them.
During a coaching session, we often examine and dissect our daily activities to help get to the root of what stresses us and causes us unhappiness. Try this exercise and you may be surprised at the results:
- Quickly make a list of everything you do
Your list can cover one week or one day- Scan your list and put a red X next to anything you don’t want to do
- Take each item you’ve X’d and choose to:Â Scrap it altogether; Spend less time at it or Do it less often
- Don’t try to change them all at once; it’s easy when you take 1 item per day
- Note: Simply scanning what you’ve X’d can be enlightening
This is an adaptation of one of Martha Beck’s exercises.
“You can create the change you want by stepping back, assessing and simplifying your life” – Ellen Besso
This month I have several new offerings:
- Susanne Katz and I will be discussing being uncoupled in midlife and the differences between women and men’s experiences on her Couples Talk Internet Radio Show today, March 29th. An mp3 recording of the show will be available through my website.
- Angel La Liberte, who I’ve known for several years, has posted her interview with me on her Flower Power Mom blog
- My team of Terri, Jill and myself have been working hard on a fresh new look for my website, Ellen Besso Coaching which will be up the first week of April.
It’s been a long road back home in many ways after my three months sabbatical in India. It was time to return and I was ready to be home. But when one spends that long in a culture that is so other there are usually a few repercussions.
A re-entry period is necessary for most travellers. There’s tiredness from the long return trip (a fog-enforced layover in Hong Kong lessened our exhaustion this time), reverse culture shock (never heard of it until I had a firsthand experience), potential health issues like flu or colds, then finally the picking up of the pieces of one’s life at home. It usually takes about two weeks to feel fully back in your life. Read more
I am on sabbatical for a while to recharge and soak in more impressions of India in preparation for writing my next book in the MidLife Balance Series. This trip we are immersed in the Tibetan Indian culture, with volunteer English tutoring, attending Budhist teachings, and spending time with our Tibetan friends. I also hope to take some yoga classes and Indian vocal lessons. Read more
As my book Surviving Eldercare: Where Their Needs End and Yours Begin nears it’s launch as a print book, I feel an energy building in me. It’s a strong, focused, positive energy. The completion and offering of this phase of my writing is having a trickle-down effect on all the other aspects of my work and on me generally. I’m becoming clearer about the broader picture and integrating more aspects of my training and interests into areas that speak to my passions. For in order to inspire others towards their passions, I must be living my own truth.
We’re at the height of summer now. It’s one of those summers when we actually have hot weather here in Cascadia where plenty of rain and a moderate climate are usually the norm. There are wildfires burning in the interior of British Columbia and other places, and many people have been evacuated from their homes. It’s a devastating event for families and communities, and certainly not what people hoped for this summer. But the fire crews are working hard to control the fires, and many residents have been able to return home. 
When you think of heat and of fire in a more internal context, what thoughts come to mind? In the here and now of this hot, somnolent summer you probably feel slowed down inside and this is reflected in your movements. But if you dig deeper, what do you find?
You may think of that burn of creativity and empowerment we all have deep within ourselves. Life Coach Zoey Ryan wrote an interesting article addressing the subject this week. She talks about Goddesses of fire and likens fire to our power, and asks her reader three questions to help them get in touch with their internal fire.
I also use the powerful symbols of goddesses and gods in my personal work. I have found the book Archangels and Other Ascended Masters by Doreen Virtue to be very helpful. It combines the wisdom of gods and goddesses from many traditions in one uplifting book.
Recently my friend Alma, who initially recommended the book to me, suggested that I work with the goddess Devi (sometimes spelled Devee). I was delighted to discover that she is the “Universal Mother” or “Great Mother” – very powerful, yet gentle, combining the soft and strong qualities I believe make up woman – as Judith Duerk, who I worked with in the 90′s, spoke of the Great Mother often. One of Devi’s ways of helping is through meaningfulness – finding more in life and career. She’s the perfect one for me at this time.
Who or what inspires you and helps to catalyze your empowerment? Who helps ingnite your fire?
Enjoy your summer and watch for announcements about the release of the print book, Surviving Eldercare: Where Their Needs End & Yours Begin through my blog and newsletters.
