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Archive for May, 2008
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| You know that old expression “You can’t make an omelet without cracking the eggs.”? Many of us are finding that we’re expanding very quickly in various ways lately, and it’s often very uncomfortable. It can, in fact, get downright messy! What seemed right for us last month has changed by this month. Our relationships are in flux, the ways in which we work and play in the world are changing. Sometimes we wonder which way is up!
More of us are thinking “outside the box” now I believe…finding careers that satisfy us in deeper ways, creating lifestyles that fit our need for internal growth and expansion. Many are finding ways to support themselves and also travel and do volunteer work. I’ve heard over and over again that our sole purpose for being here on earth is to find out who we are and express that in the world – nothing more, nothing less. We don’t have to push and prod ourselves to achieve more and acquire more. It’s not necessary for us to strive for greatness. We can serve the world simply by letting our true selves emerge. When this happens we live purposeful lives, we feel joyful and we pass this on to all we come in contact with. Even though the unfolding can get kind of messy at times, if we stick to it, things shift and change. As I move forward into new aspects of my life and work, the old falls away, and I become clearer about who I am and what I’m meant to do. I see that the pushing and straining just doesn’t serve me and I’m beginning to adopt a different attitude towards things – an attitude of allowing. When we feel pressured, self-care is extremely important. I’m always stressing to my clients the importance of breathing, and often during my day I remind myself to breathe. When I was a Trager bodyworker, I noticed repeatedly that I had difficulty seeing people’s chests rise as they lay on the table because they were breathing so shallowly. Many of us breathe shallowly or even breath-hold at times. One deep, slow breath in and out accomplishes wonders. It slows us down and oxygenates us. As Eckhart Tolle says, it takes us into the stillness. US, quoted above, advises that we take in as much air as possible so we see and feel the physical expansion of our chest and abdomen. Our mind will then expand as the breath calms us. Then we can truly connect with ourselves and others. As we move through this challenging and exciting time, let’s open ourselves to possibilities…then, just breathe… Rejuvenate Yourself – Restore Body, Mind, Spirit Relax, restore and rejuvenate yourself with like-minded women in a tranquil setting by the sea. |
I got this concept from a friend who declined to write it up on my blog. I hope I can do it justice.
The healthy idea, as most of you would agree I’m sure, is that we need to replenish ourselves as well as to give to others. Breathing out represents the giving, breathing in the receiving or replenishing. If we do one side of this and exclude the other part, we disturb the natural flow of our energy, since we are a living energy system.
It’s easy to forget this when we get caught up in the busyness of our lives, with its routines and its obligations. Oft times the energy just goes out, out, out. It goes to our jobs, our coworkers, our bosses, to our kids and partners, to the running of our household. Then there may not be time left over for the things that feed us – interacting with friends, gardening, attending a concert, sitting in stillness, hiking, writing, playing music, doing yoga, or anything else that moves you.
What are the things that represent breathing in to you? See if you can do at least two of them today.
The other day I heard from a woman who was fired from her management track job for having a close friendship (not yet an affair) with a male colleague. From what I can tell the man was not fired.
Which got me on my soapbox again…My partner was surprised that that kind of dismissal would happen in this day and age. I told him that women are often treated badly and unequally in business out there in the corporate world, (as opposed to our little self-employed, protected non-corporate world of friends here).
Then I began reading the Women in Hollywood blog. First the writer mentioned how some great women’s shows are being axed for next year (Men in Trees, one of my favs). On another WIH blog, Kristen Davis, one of the stars of Sex in the City addressed the eternal question of whether the four women get along or hate each other. Kristen’s very smart point was that these questions were sexist and that people didn’t repeatedly question the Sopranos stars in that way. 
Still on WIH blog, Jennifer Fox, writer, producer and subject of Flying, a six-part series on Sundance takes the position that women without children aren’t perceived as real women in our society. She says: “We define women as being married mothers actually”. I think she has a valid point. Our culture often perceives child-free women as somehow different…lacking…selfish..oh, I don’t know…But not complete.
And then of course there’s the invisibility angle – the idea that women over a certain age (~45) just aren’t noticed – it’s like they’re not even there. That’s why two Australian women, who go by the names Loris and Lucy, began their eclectic blog for midlife women.
It pains me that this is happening in this day and age. We only have to look at Hilary Clinton and the ongoing “damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t” criticisms of her and her campaign to see that we’re a far cry from equality as yet.
We’re told we’re meant to live in joy. But we seem to spend an awful lot of our time doing things and thinking things that are counter-productive to this, for whatever reason. They’re the antithesis of joy actually.
Here are the activities I’ve done lately that have taken me away from my North Star and joy, and the conclusions I’ve come to about them:
* Time spent in the company of an acquaintance that created a need for downtime afterwards. Sometimes we’re just on different wavelengths than another and therefore operate differently in the world. I will choose to spend my time with friends who feed me & I them.
* Several hours working on the complexities of posting, editing and sending my newsletter, then double -posting and linking it to several spots on my website. Recently Dr. Toni Lamotta wrote that it’s maturity to pay for what you’re not good at doing, so this is what I’m doing from now on (4-5 hours for me; 1 hour for my ‘Web Angel’ to do it).
Then there are the thoughts that take me away from joy – an even tougher challenge in a sense because they happen with more frequency than the behaviours! Here are my recent thoughts and what I’ve done to change them:
* An unspecified anxious feeling of ’something’s wrong’ periodically during the day, just before sleep or early in the morning. Imagining I’m breathing in my feeling of unsettledness and that of everyone else with similar feelings, then breathing it works wonders for me. After 2 to 3 repetitions I am calmed and soothed in an almost magical way that I certainly can’t account for. You can read more about this in my latest newsletter, including the Buddhist retreat, just above this posting or on my website).
* Worry about the someone else’s health and the possible outcome. I realized that there are 2 ways to approach this, as with many issues. We can only do our best to be healthy. Then we have a choice: we can rise above our challenges or let them bring us down.
Some additional ideas that may help you:
* Think of a particular thing, person or place that bothers you. Ask yourself what mood you’re in, what thoughts you have and most importantly how various parts of your body feel (e.g. tight, nauseous). then do the same with something or someone you feel good about. If the answer you get is positive, you’re going towards joy; if negative, you’re moving away from your North Star. (Martha Beck calls this ‘Shackles On/Shackles Off’)
* Sit in the stillness breathing gently. You’ll get a peaceful feeling and guidance from within in a surprisingly short time.
Remember, what’s right for us produces joy, warm feelings, excitement (if it feels scary too along with the excitement, that’s okay) as long as the pleasure is there. Otherwise it’s simple – it’s not right for us.
Too young for spas?
I’m not sure whether any of my readers have adolescent girls, but we all know some, and you may find this interesting anyway.
Pluck, wax, peel – cleansing, removing, minimizing, smoothing – we’re talking about the beauty ritual many women go through regularly, right? Wrong! Many young girls, some even in the pre-teen or ‘tween’ years, are going to spas regularly with their mothers, and are having many of these things done to them. One mother interviewed said that she just views it as part of good hygiene!
As adults we can make our own decisions about what to do or not do with our bodies to ‘beautify’ them. But kids can’t make the same kind of informed decisions we do. When they’re pushed into this sort of thing too early, they may develop a false sense of themselves and their bodies…a distorted body image.
I found this link that discussess the full spa treatments for tweens I referred to above. This next one describes the extensive hair processing pre-teens often go through nowadays. Lastly, here’s a girls spa book that may be more appropriate for 9-14 year-olds than some of the ‘full service’ treatments.
I suppose these extensive and invasive spa treatments for young girls are a natural extension of the dieting that many girls do from a young age through adulthood and have been doing for many years. Whatever it is, it doesn’t feel right to me.