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Archive for April, 2008
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| What keeps us apart from ourselves? Are we afraid of who we really are? Recently I decided I need to bring spirituality into my life in a more proactive way again. Once I set this intent, unsurprisingly, synchronicity began to take place. (It always does surprise me though). My acupuncturist has been giving me a series of treatments to build up my heart and balance me overall. I signed up for a weekend of budhist teachings here on the Sunshine Coast, and I’ve participated in several teleconferences with powerful spiritual coaches. In the buddhist philosophy we are all seen as enlightened. It’s a matter of removing the painful feelings and thoughts that block our awareness of this. Buddhists call these situations suffering and believe that it’s a part of the human existence. So they learn to tame their minds to feel joy and peace. Our budhist workshop was two days of teachings given by a Master who lives in Nepal and India. We learned the basics of his stream of budhism and basked in his presence. To me his energy felt similar, though less intense, than the Dalai Lama’s energy and I felt the power of it affecting me deeply. Once, briefly, I fell into a meditative state almost like sleep, as I did in the Dalai Lama’s presence. What appealed to me most about the teachings was the idea of oneness that they embrace. In this way of thinking we are all connected, and therefore everyone’s suffering is also universal. This fits with my philosophy and is similar to the original ‘New Age’ ideas. Debbie Ford, whose motto is ‘“Your mind can’t take you where your heart longs to go” also spoke of oneness in a powerful Visioning hour this week. She invited us to leave behind the “tricks” of our human existence and go into a place of spirit with God, (or whatever name you choose). In this place we can listen to our heart rather than our head and are supported and uplifted by other energies. It is difficult to describe all of this in words because, as Eckhart Tolle says: “Whatever words we use are already a limitation”Â. Tolle suggests two simple exercises which may help us with connection: Rinpoche taught us a basic exercise to work with our feelings of desire, anger, ignorance, jealousy or pride as follows: I find that everything I’ve done has taken me deeper into myself, and helped to open my heart. It has shifted me from my usual left-brain overload to a lighter place more consistently. We appear to have the ability to change more rapidly than before. We’re peeling away the layers of non-self that our years of living on this earth have produced. And when we are able to listen to our hearts we are supported and uplifted. |
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We are all disturbed by things that occur in our lives from time to time. For some of us we find we’re reacting to things a lot of the time. Sometimes it’s tough to keep ourselves out of a constant tailspin.
It seems that every way we turn these days we are being advised to use mindfulness to raise our awareness and deal with what’s not working for us.
Eckhart Tolle has a simple way to break down what happens when we are bothered by something. When we break it down our awareness is raised. He discussed this in his last teleclass. Here’s a straight-forward example that clarifies it:
If you are bothered by a noise in a public place bring your attention to the situation. There are 3 ways to do this:
Level 1: Notice whatever disturbs you
Level 2: Notice your reaction to it. This is made up of the physical (e.g. tension), emotional (e.g. anger, anxiety) & mental, i.e. thoughts (e.g. I can’t stand this…)
Level 3: Awareness of level 1 & 2
Note: Level 3 is pure awareness, with no judgement, e.g. ‘oh, that’s interesting…’
This is the beginning of freedom. Tolle says that without the awareness, we become the reaction itself.
Another method of dealing with upsets is to take the disturbing feeling and dissolve it by imagining you are breathing it in, then exhaling lightness. Imagine as you breath that your troublesome feeling and similar feelings experienced by other beings in the world are dissolving into each other. I believe you will find that you are uplifted and peaceful very quickly.
Finally, if you don’t feel up to using either of the above exercises, just breathe in deeply through your nose, hold your breath as long as is comfortable, then push as much air as possible out through your mouth. Doing this once will make a difference to you. Repetitions up to 5 breaths will increase the effect exponentially.
“Embrace the gamut of possibility and define for [our]selves what is normal”
Thomas Beatie
When I took my coaching training a few years ago, one of my classmates, an artist, expressed a desire to have red shoes in her closet. A few days into the training, Martha Beck told her that she buying red shoes might be just the ticket for her in that moment, rather than developing her practice. Does it sound bizarre? Perhaps, but it was a way for the woman to embrace her true self and to begin to move towards her new life.
We’re all live ‘inside the box’ to a certain extent. Maybe not in every area of our life, but certainly in some. Our mind defines the parameters of what we think and therefore of what we do. If we can tweak or ratchet our mind just a bit, a tiny space will open, and that is all we need to begin our change. There’s no going back once we begin to change.
Thomas Beatie and his partner really know how to throw away preconceived ideas and think outside the box. I’m sure you’ve heard about Thomas on the news, in people mag or on Oprah – he’s the pregnant man. Although he is legally a man and went through complex sex changes, he opted to retain his female reproductive organs because he always knew he wanted to have a child.
Some people would say Thomas is a freak, others might say he wants to have his cake and eat it too, having the best of both genders. Some might say he and his partner are selfish, that their child might be compromised by society’s judgements. I see someone who has put aside all preconceived ideas about gender and parenting, a warm, intelligent man with clear values and ethics.
Maybe Thomas felt he had no choice but to follow his heart because he always knew he was different from a young age. Whatever his reasons, to me he is a brave human being and a primo example of living outside the box. The box that our upbringing, our society, and mostly our minds has put us in.
It takes a lot of courage to make serious change in our lives. Imagine the courage it takes to be Thomas Beatie. But sometimes we reach the point where there is just no turning back. In order for our spirit to thrive and be joyful we must live our lives differently.
Let’s try thinking outside the box for one week…in small or large ways. I often say that it’s the small things that make up a life. So try doing a couple of things differently each day and see how it feels. It may open new doors to us.
Recently I read one of Anita Rau Badami’s novels, set both in India and Vancouver, BC. In the book she writes a passage about Indra, the Goddess of Heaven. In it Badami describes how Indra flung a net over the world. Here’s a quote from the story:
“Its shining strands criss-crossed the world from end to end. At each node of this net there hung a gem, so arranged that if you looked at one you saw all the others reflected in it. As each gem reflected every other one, so was every human affected by the miseries and joys of every other human, every other living thing on the planet. When one gem was touched, hundreds of others shimmered or danced in response, and a tear in the net made the whole world tremble.”
This beautifully written Hindu myth touches me. Many philosophies and religions other than Hinduism espouse similar ideas including Budhism, Christianity and New Age. It’s a natural thing for humans to feel compassion for each other.
The Eckhart Tolle/Oprah Winfrey teleclasses teach us how to come from a place of spirit rather than ego and the advanced technology used for the classes connects hundreds of thousands of people all over the world simultaneously. That’s a lot of positive energy coming together all at once with one unified focus. I wonder how much potential it has to affect change in the world? In some ways it reminds me of the prayers for world peace that have gone on all over the world for years.
We’ve known for a long time about the power of group energy. The sum of the whole is greater than its parts, and a group inspires individuals (for example in workshops, group therapy or meditation circles, the words and energy of each person can teach and uplift the others). As we participate in these opportunities to join our positive energies together in small and large ways, we also feel uplifted and connected to each other.
Are you someone who likes to hold onto things? By this I mean your emotional hurts, slights, wounds, upsets? I am. Certainly I’ve improved a lot over the years, but I’m not there yet – not even close I’d say. Lately things have been coming up in various ways to help me dissolve the remnants of this issue…tenants leaving suddenly or changing their mind after committing to a house rental, clients pushing my generosity to the max and not holding up their end of our service agreement. These things have left me feeling used and I have hung onto them.
I remember years ago in group therapy, the group facilitator, my family doctor encouraged me in my progress re letting go. Something had happened and I was upset about it (of course I don’t remember what it even was now). I worked on it in group but was being hard on myself for hanging on to it for so long. He said “Well, how long did you hang onto it?” I told him it had been about a day. Then he asked me “How long would you have held onto it before” and after thinking I replied, about a week. He told me that was a big change.
In another group the therapist would at times actually ask us “How long do you want to stay mad (or sad, etc. you fill in the blank here)…an hour, 30 minutes, 20 minutes, 5 minutes? Then we’d pick a number, hold onto the feeling intensely, then let it go after the time was up. This added some levity to the feelings that we took so seriously. It also helped us really feel the feelings, then let go of them.
Lastly, it allowed us to step outside ourselves and become the Observer, or The Watcher as Martha Beck now terms it. When we are in this mode, we are in a different part of ourselves – a different state of consciousness. We can see the other part or parts and feel compassion for them, but we’re not caught up in the usual turmoil of our thoughts and feelings.
Something I’ve found very helpful recently as I’ve gone deeper into Byron Katie’s The Work, is a simple question she uses often. So all-encompassing is it in its simplicity that we might not even give it credence in fact. Here it is: When you’re upset or stressed about something, ask yourself: “Whose business am I in?” The choices are: Mine, Someone Else’s or God’s (you can call it whatever suits you – e.g. Things We Have No Control Over, the Universe, etc.) For more information about Byron Katie’s work and to get a copy of her Judge Thy Neighbour worksheet, which ties in nicely with Whose Business Am I In, or other worksheets go to: http://www.thework.com/resources.asp
I’m currently revisiting the things I’ve been hanging on to to see who’s business I’ve been in and to do exercises to help me let go. I’m also myself what, if anything I could have done differently in these situations, could I have been clearer with people, or exercised firmer boundaries.
