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Archive for March, 2008
Lately I have been thinking about centering a lot. The maze of midlife can be very challenging to navigate as so much is transforming within us. The circuitry rewiring that’s taking place affects every system in our bodies. It doesn’t stop at changes in menstrual cycles, low energy, energy surges, passionate, strong emotions, or changes in sleep patterns. Our very spirit is affected.
I’ve written often about my philosophy of midlife – that it is the internal journey that is the important one – not the outward manifestations of change. (Although I don’t deny that the outward complexities can certainly be challenging). The journey that begins roughly in our late 30′s does not stop when we become menopausal. We are different and our priorities reflect that.
When we are experiencing uncertainty and perhaps even chaos in any or all parts of our lives, there’s really nowhere to go but inward, toward our center – toward that part of us where stillness lies. We can picture our center as an actual place if that makes it easier. Years ago in a guided visualization we were asked to envision in great detail an idyllic room or scene that dwelt inside us. As I recall it was in our head, although it could be in our heart or any other area we desire.
Eckhart Tolle offers a simple suggestion for moving our attention from our usual external emphasis to an internal one. He invites us to bring our attention first to our hands, and feel the energy in them. Then to do the same with our feet, then with other parts of our body. In this way we feel the aliveness that lives inside us. This is our spirit.
Another way to center is by using a Budhist smiling meditation. We start by sitting in meditative pose with a smile on our faces. We continue to imagine other parts of our body smiling, until even our liver smiles. This brings a connection with our center, and with it joy.
I believe that the key to centering lies in slowing ourselves down. Breathing deeply has that effect. Even one deep breath can bring us to the place where stillness lies. Having the desire, some simple tools, and the commitment to go towards our center on a regular basis changes the quality of our lives. It also helps everyone else on the planet.
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“Everybody has been called to do something. We wouldn’t be alive if we weren’t.” Oprah
We’re all used to the idea of self-discovery…finding out what we want in life and going for it. That’s been a big part of the self growth message for many years now. It’s important to figure out what we want in life, to not limit ourselves. I write about that often.
But the other side of the coin is, “What does life want of us?”. You’ve probably heard that one before too, or something like it, I have. But when Eckhard Tolle suggested, during the first A New Earth teleclass last night, that we ask life what our purpose is, something clicked in me. Timing is everything, and it seemed to segue right into the place I’m at now in my personal journey.
It’s a spiritual way to approach life, a philosophy that embraces the idea that we are all connected. We all have unique abilities and skills that can be used for the good of our world.
Of course, what we yearn for in life is very often where our gifts lie and and therefore can use to help others. Hence the two sides of the coin fit together very nicely.
An old friend lost her job this week. Restructuring took place and her job was folded into someone else’s, someone in the organization who already had a full-time job. Go figure!
This got me to thinking about how our identities are often quite tied up with our roles. We are “a coach”, “a doctor”, “a student”, “an office worker”, “a retail worker” and so on. Often we embrace these titles, in positive or negative ways, and they become to a large extent who we are. The labels let others know who we are and, more importantly, we often use them to reassure ourselves of our usefulness.
The same goes for other titles we hold…mother, neighbour, partner of someone. We tend to identify closely with our roles and fill our days and our minds with the activities and duties associated with them.
Eckhart Tolle says this about roles:
“Pre-established roles may give you a somewhat comforting sense of identity, but ultimately you lose yourself in them…Authentic human interactions become impossible when you lose yourself in a role.”
We are so much more than the sum of our roles. Tolle says when we play roles, we take ourselves very seriously. Particularly the role of adult. Sometimes we forget to be spontaneous and joyful.
If I closed my practice it would take me some time to get to know what to do with myself, as my identities of women’s coach and entrepreneur with a growing practice take up so much of my hours and my thoughts. I’d really have to step back, take a breath, and ask myself who the essence of Ellen is.
It’s true for sure that many of the activities I do in my practice are ones that strike a deep chord in me – such as my connection with the women I coach, and the writing I do. But if I couldn’t, or didn’t do any of these things, who would I be?
Perhaps I would just…be!
