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Archive for February, 2008
Most of us want to be happy. We want a life we can feel excited about on an ongoing basis. We want to manifest our dreams and become our true selves. In order to live the life we were meant to live, we need to “get in the flow” and stay in it as much as we can.
This requires that we pay vigilant attention to ourselves and our actions. A simple check-in with ourselves at intervals of 15-30 minutes, then a re-setting of our trajectory can keep us on track.
Just take a deep breath in, then out, and ask yourself: “What do I need right now, this minute?” You’ll be surprised how quickly the answer will come. Honour it by responding to what your body-mind- spirit is asking for.
You may find you need to do something like the following:
* Replenish yourself with water and/or a snack
* Take a few moments to do some deep breathing or meditation
* Walk around the block
* Say ‘No’ to excessive demands
* Switch to another task
* Deal with negative self-talk or negative emotions (talk to a friend, sponsor, coach, put it in an imaginary container)
It’s all about balance. Tune into yourself body, mind and spirit and keep paying vigilant attention and you’ll notice you’re “in the flow” more and more.
We are the sandwich generation…caught between our aging parents and young adult children often. How to be everything to everyone? It’s simple – we can’t be! And the person who falls through the cracks is usually the one who’s doing the parenting of both the elders and the grown kids.
It is a milestone when an aged parent goes into care. Often it’s a decision that has come slowly and with difficulty, as the parent may not be willing to ‘give in’ and leave their own place and/or the mid-life child may feel it’s not appropriate for their parent to be in care…may even feel guilty.
It may finally be a feeling of relief when the elderly Mom or Dad goes into a care facility. Or there may be a long process of grief that follows the parents’ move because it’s another step nearer to the final one. In any case, the duties of the adult child caregiver do not end once the parent is ensconced in a facility. The parent then needs a ‘point woman’, an advocate, to ensure that she or he is receiving the best care in all areas.
This is where extreme self-care for us, the caregiver comes in. Sometimes out of our caring we go overboard and try to make their life perfect. It is not possible; no situation is perfect. Think of it as akin to ‘good enough parenting of kids’. Do your best, then let it go.
We need to ask for what we need. It may be a friendly ear to listen to our feelings of letting go of our parent to yet another degree or perhaps issues around their care. We may need to hire paid visitors for our parent because we can’t visit as often as we’d like to. (In my experience there are many capable, loving people available for visits; sometimes small businesses provide this service).
There is no easy answer. But give some careful thought to this, brain storm, sort it out, and put all the supports you need in place to give your parent a good quality of life while still having some energy left for you!
Note: I write this after spending about 10 years dealing with my own mother’s gradual decline. At the time of this writing, she has just turned 86 and seems content with her life.
“In everything I do there is a rhythm, a flow all its own. There is no need to push the river.”
Unknown Author
“Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries.”
Theodore Roethke
“There is little to lose by taking the road less travelled; by making decisions based on nothing but dreams, or intuitions, or our heart’s desires.
Martha Beck
“Be not afraid of going slow. Be afraid of standing still.”
Japanese Proverb
“It’s all energy.” Wayne Dyer
“And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more”.
Erica Jong
