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Ellen Besso is a Martha Beck certified coach

Archive for February, 2008

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

It’s easy to want and expect a quick fix for our problems when we live in a results-oriented, concrete society such as ours. But there is no quick fix.

This doesn’t mean we need years of therapy; it simply means we must pay attention to our internal lives, not just the externals. We can be very productive and still be in tune with ourselves at the center. It’s actually quite simple.

Firstly, being aware of our breathing tunes us in to our center, the place where the essence that is us lives. Breathing in and out slowly several times accomplishes three things: it slows us down, it oxygenates us and it grounds us in ourselves. Doing this every 15 to 30 minutes makes an enormous difference in our day. (you can use post-its or set a timer as a reminder)

Secondly, checking in with ourselves hourly provides a great deal of information about where we’re at body, mind and spirit. Ask “What do I need right now, this minute?” For example: Is it food, water, a comforting warm drink, do I need to move my body, get fresh air, stretch, breath, sit meditatively, be near trees or water, stop work?. You may get additional answers as well.

If we take the time to connect with ourselves, we will find out what we need. Then we can follow up by actually doing these things, as soon as possible. If we follow through on what our body-mind-spirit tells us it needs develops trust. So give yourself the gift of internal connection today.

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Monday, February 11, 2008

At first this book didn’t seem to speak to me. I thought it was for younger women (Elizabeth Gilbert was in her early 30′s when she wrote it). But as I got further into the Italy section, I realized that her appeal is actually much broader. Gilbert understands and articulates a basic issue that affects many women across cultures and age groups. The issue is that of expectations put on us as women versus our true desires.

Sometimes we slide into marriage, home and children, without questioning whether this is right for us. We may not even think we have the right to question if and when to take these major steps. This lifestyle may turn out to be just right for us but if it’s not a part of us may become so unhappy with our life that it begins to die. Then we begin to just exist.

Elizabeth Gilbert is very open about her experience. Her marriage was no longer working for her. She became so unfulfilled in her life as a married suburban writer and planned future mother that she just couldn’t go on. After much agonized soul-searching, she left her marriage.

Perhaps the best advice Gilbert received was from a friend who didn’t even know the details of her dilemma, was “Tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth”. She seems to have applied this advice to her life seriously. After four months in Italy Gilbert says:

“I still maybe don’t fully know what I deserve. But I do know that I have collected myself of late – through the enjoyment of harmless pleasures – into somebody much more intact.”

More thoughts on Eat, Pray at a later date…

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Saturday, February 9, 2008

Centering

Breath in

Breath out

Breath in

Breath out

Here in the center of my being

Lies myself

My spirit

My true being

 

Breath in

Breath out

Breath in

Breath out

This is the place where I live

When I am in tune

When I take the time

When I love me

 

Breath in

Breath out

Breath in

Breath out

 

Roget’s Definition of Center:

  • A point of origin, as of influence, ideas, or actions – a center of power
  • A point around which something rotates or revolves

Centering Room – Centering is meditation in action. Within you is always a place that is calm and at peace. This space is often referred to as your calm center. Being centered means remaining in your calm center amidst the busyness of daily life… read more

What is Centering? -I believe we can afford to sacrifice anything but our spirit. With our spirit we may form a loving, creative, inspiring, indomitable partnership…So when asked “What exactly is ‘centering’?”, the short answer is “A little focused being”…read more

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Friday, February 8, 2008

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” Ayn Rand

My Vision Statement is:

  • To coach by telephone or in-person from anywhere in the world, offering both volunteer and paid services to help women empower themselves in body, mind and spirit.
  • To spend the winter months in a warm climate and the summer months at home.

A vision statement offers us a guide for our life. It is a way to measure the choices we make in day to day life and to find out if we’re on track. We can ask ourselves: Does this particular choice fit with my greater vision? A vision is somehow bigger than us. Putting it in writing will greatly increase the chances of it being achieved.

Ellen at home - Jan. 2008Abraham tells us in The Law of Attraction, that “giving thought to it is inviting it.” The Abraham group suggests that we use our imagination to deliberately create desired scenarios for ourselves. From my coaching training and my personal experience, I’ve found a very simple method of discerning if the visions are true. We know they are right for us if we feel good when we picture them…if they excite and energize us. It’s perfectly okay and normal to feel scared too. But if we feel scared and don’t feel passionate about them, throw them out pronto. Run quickly in the other direction.

Many of us are brought up to think that being an adult means doing a lot of things we don’t want to do. This is not true. We can fulfill responsibilities and still grow by clearly focusing on what’s meaningful and making it happen.

So let’s imagine and record our visions and take our rightful place in our world. Let’s fill our hearts with beautiful dreams.

Reminder: My New Year’s gift to you – Visioning 2008

a 45-minute session for $49

Offer expires Feb. 15/08

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Thursday, February 7, 2008

“Most people are so completely identified with the voice in the head – the incessant stream of involuntary and compulsive thinking and the emotions that accompany it – that we may describe them as being possessed by their mind. As long as you are completely unaware of this, you take the thinker to be who you are.”

Eckhart Tolle

Our thoughts control what happens to us. Where have you heard that before? From the oft-maligned The Secret to the resurgence of cognitive behavioural therapy, to Martha Beck’s North Star Coaching, to the work of Byron Katie and now to Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, we are being deluged by this message.

Oprah and Tolle will be teaching a 10-week web-cast course based on A New Earth this spring. Oprah says she has realized that this course is part of her life’s work. Very strong words.

Tolle’s first book, The Power of Now, spoke about our minds and our ego. He told us that we are not our mind, that surrendering to the present creates authentic power. Tolle also taught that the body is an entry point into inner peace, as is the silence and space around us.

To me and to many others Tolle is a genius. He has the ability to capture the essence of what we need to be truly empowered and to live a spiritual life. As a former body worker and from my personal experience I can attest that the body never lies. It carries every stressful experience, every past story in it. In my North Star Coaching, the body is one of our main points of entry into our work. The mind is the other. We help people identify the stressful thoughts and beliefs that are holding them back in life and making them unhappy.

And the silences and the spaces…yes…that is where spirit lies. The spaces give us time to pause, to slow down, to rejuvenate. In my dance-exercise class my teacher, Zeta, encourages us to be aware of the spaces between the notes and beats of the music. Carrying this idea over into my daily activities helped me be aware of and savour moments of pleasure in my day such as a beautiful flower in the garden, some amazing Chinese music on CBC radio for the Chinese New Year, or simply filling my lungs deeply and fully, then pushing the breath out.

Eckhart Tolle believes that human beings are ready for “a transformation of consciousness so radical and profound that compared to it the flowering of plants, no matter how beautiful, is only a pale reflection”. And for me it’s hard to imagine anything more amazing, more beautiful than the miracle of plants.

Tolle says that the new way will be a move away from ego-based living into a truer path where we can feel the “light of consciousness”. When we embrace this new consciousness, we will be more aware of what we can do to help the world, and to make it a place of peace and fellowship.

Many, many people are speaking and acting in ways that make a difference now. This energy is building and is beginning to change our world. Let’s keep on asking what we can do to help…in our own backyard or abroad.

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